The Golden Child is coming!
The Golden Child is coming!
Oh my FUCKING GOD the Golden Child is coming.
And apparently we are doing a separate Christmas for him.
And all the good shit is getting broken out for the Golden ‘ coming.
Angels will sing and stars will shine brighter and life will be Happy! and Shiny! for the two days he will be here.
The GC will be here late evening on December 18. We must allow the GC to recuperate from his long haul flight of 2 hours from Sydney and sleep all day the next day. But on the 20th, we will have Christmas! With ALL THE TRIMMINGS!
Because, I don’t know if you fucking know, but the GOLDEN CHILD IS COMING!!!
You know, the one that never calls. Or sends cards. Or makes contact during any important events like brain surgery, chemotherapy or death.
MOTY came over on Friday, plonked herself on my lounge and after watching Bold and the Beautiful, proceeded to make a list of what we needed to buy for Christmas.
Cause apparently, regardless of whether I cook it or she does, I have to pay for three quarters of the food ‘seeing it is just your father and I’.
Oh yes she did.
So she is all ‘we will have this and this and this and you will buy this and this and this’ and I was all ‘hold up woman, that is a lot of food for just the seven of us, considering Boo will just have a packet of French Fries and a bunch of grapes’ and she is all ‘no, this is for when your brother *insert angels singing here* comes.’
And I was all boggley. And she was all ‘waaaaaaaaat?’
‘Um, I will pay for Christmas Day, you know December 25th, but if you want to throw another one the week before you are on your own lady’
‘What? I can’t pay for all this myself.’
‘Well get GC to throw in a few shekels then’
‘I can’t do that! He is a guest!‘
And I waited and waited and fucking WAITED for the ‘boom tish’ of the cymbals to denote that this was a freaking joke…
But she was totally serious.
Because he is the Golden Child.
Fuck me dead.
And she has invited the whole extended family to come too. As guests.
On a happier note, today I started decorating for Christmas. A whole week earlier than usual.
Normally on December 1 I run around like a freaking mad-woman trying to decorate every single room, trim eleventy hundred trees, and do the decorating inside and out, glistening* like a mofo in the sweltering heat, bitchin’ and moanin’ and feeling all together un-Christmassy.
Yesterday I made sweet love to a few storage containers in Target and bought some new baubles for the new tree for the family room. Moo wouldn’t let me buy the 12ft tall inflatable Santa coming out of the chimney, deeming it ‘tacky and tasteless’. What does a Damn Emo know about tacky and tasteless I ask you?
Yeah.
So I am going back to buy it next week. And putting it outside her bedroom window…
Dining room is finished.
See the little hats and mittens on my babies! So damn cute, I could vomit.
Simple. Clean. Uncluttered.
And I am feeling the Christmas lurve. Cause it tis the season for awesome cocktails and partying on down with my biatches.
Did I mention the awesome cocktails? Cause that is what Christmas is all about isn’t it?
* ladies don’t sweat. They glisten.
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I may be a touch more vindictive than you but I certainly wouldn ‘t be letting her get away with trying to make you responsible for all that. Can you do something subtle, like spit in their food?
Aww crap, not again. Can you at least put your foot down about having to pay for it all? Or speak to your brother privately about kicking in “so that he doesn’t bankrupt your mother”?
On a more gleeful note – you said shekels. Squeeee!
oooooo
sounds like it’s time for ‘teh golden child’ to go sleep with ‘teh fishies’ 😉
Just smile sweetly, nod your head at everything and don’t show up………OR show up empty handed, act shocked that she’d expect you to bring anything cos you are after all a guest in her home too and make a scene big enough to embarrass her so badly that she’ll either a) never invite you home for any family event again or b) never ask you to provide food again
Me? I’d just not be showing up and taking my phone off the hook for the next millenium.
yay for the Christmas decks!
I hope to god you’re not actually going to give in and pay for the extra meal… Not! On!
I think we may be distantly related. Sounds like my in-laws.
I resisted Jimmy’s pleas to put up the tree yesterday, I’m still trying to get ready for Thanksgiving. And get the bar set up to get thought it.
I could hear the heavenly singing all the way to Florida. You have my sympathies. I don’t think I would be that generous either.
Heh. I have myne own version of the Golden Child home right now. It’s going to be a LONG ten days!
I was always taught that horses sweat, men perspire and ladies bloom.
I hear Andrews Salts are very good for getting revenge on people. 😉
Simple + Clean + Uncluttered = Perfection.
Golden?
yeah
I have one of those too
he’ll be here in 3 days
…
..
..
did i mention he’s a vegetarian?
Golden..
yippee
Who knew you were such a decorator? Never woulda thunk.
Maybe it’s your taste in shoes that rolls over to table decor.
Lovely decorations. But oh my, will they ever hurt when you beat your mum with them and then shove them up the Golden Child’s ass.
Hey, Kel: are you expected to pay for a hotel room and a rental car for Golden Child when he comes to your town, too? Sounds like you and Ree definitely have something in common…
Good luck with keeping your sanity, and good for you for standing up to MOTY and her 20th big plans.
Have another awesome cocktail!
Thanks for the memo, I can’t believe I missed that! Cause around here, on the 20th, my whole entire world stops and anyone & anything will bow down and behold “Oop’s” birthday with song & dance & wayoverpriced restaurants & extravagant gifts and NONE of it is allowed to even have a hint of Christmas about it or there we will endure the most massive poor poor me fit the universe has ever seen. All because my Mom was too busy chasing her first precious born 7 month old daughter to remember to take her damn birth control during her & my Dad’s Valentine’s Day celebrat’n earlier that year.
Maybe we could get together & dress in all black while we get shit faced and deny swiping the first slice of chocolate cake… Either way I’ll be feel’n your pain on that day!
Oh, no, I WOULD NOT help pay for the special Gold-Mas dinner. Only way I would is if I could call all the extended family members, Golden Boy included, and ask them to chip in. And how absolutely rude of said Golden Boy to come the week BEFORE Christmas. What an ASS!
Ugh. I’m sorry, babe. 🙁 But the dining room looks fabulous!
Nice to hook up with family eh…
Gah. My brother is the golden child in our family. Drives me nuts.
Well, actually, it drives me to drink which then causes me to start throwing darts at his picture I’ve got pinned to the dart board.
I feel your pain.
staaaaaaaay strong! don’t give in … and DON’T pay, for gawd’s sake!!!!!!
(i have spoken)
Please, for the love of baby jebus, come do my apartment.
Do what Mistress B says.
You’ll thank her in the New Year 😉
I KNOW this feeling. However, my mother knows fucking better than to attempt to get me to pay for anything.
Or cook anything.
xmass sucks!!
If the rest of your place is as well done as the dining room, well, wow! I finally managed to put up the Halloween stuff yesterday, and I haven’t even thought about decorating for any other holiday.
Best line, “What does a Damn Emo know about tacky and tasteless I ask you?”
I LOVE the vase on your table, it’s beautiful! I also love those big blow up santa’s. I have one with Santa on a motorcycle, with a side car and a reindeer pops up and down out of it. I got it on Christmas eve so it was marked down ALOT. I’m just hoping that when the boy put it away last year, he didn’t put a hole in it, I’ll be bummed.
Speaking of decorations, I just got the boy to take down the Christmas lights, umm…maybe a month ago! heh. There’s still a pile of them behind a cactus in the front yard!!
I usually don’t start decorating outside till a few weeks before Christmas. Right before Halloween, I walked into the market and they had Christmas decorations up, confused the hell out of me for sure. Seems like each year they put them out sooner and sooner. Soon, they’ll just leave them up all year round (kind of like us!LOL)
Can’t wait to see more pictures of your decorations!
I agree with the Mistress.
I am doing my own thang this Christmas regardless of what peeps say or do.
It’s freakin’ liberating.
Though my parents and I aren’t talking at the mo, so I don’t have that extra pressure.
Holy shite, your decor looks FABULOUS!!!!
*shakes head*
You should hire a welcoming crew and charge it MOTY. And then, on all of your christmas cards, cross out “christ” with a fat black marker and write his name.
Seriously.
That made me laugh.
Oh damn. There’s a golden child in my family, too. There are 2 kids. I’m not it.
So sorry to hear. The upside is your dining room belongs on a magazine cover! I love that centerpiece.
OMG. Your mother is nuts.
Is GC also nuts or can you ring him and tell him he’s up for half the cost of the food? … that or he needs to arrive bearing many beers, good quality vodka, and some bloody good champers. AND do all the dishes.
…and I have to ask – the santa hats and mittens on the pictures – how did you do that???? Love it love it love it! I also love the table centrepiece.
What’s wrong with asking the Golden Child to chip in part of the cost? Surely he doesn’t think you all can pay for two christmas dinners?
Or you could just present them all with separate bills like in a restaurant at the end of the meal. Lock all the doors first so they can’t leave without paying. Factor in a nice big tip for yourself.
Er, do you mean that MOTY has invited GC and the rest of the extended family to *your place*? Or that you’re all invited to her place, but *you* are catering? either way!
Incidentally, I rather admire GC for (I imagine) understanding MOTY perfectly. Do nothing, get worshipped. I reckon you should try it!
Stay strong and keep saying No. And possibly mention that there’s only one human that should be worshipped at Christmas.
That sucks. If you’re cooking though… laxatives. GC’s food…
You shouldn’t have to cook at all though!
On a completely different note, I just realised it’s hot in Australia at Christmas.(I know. I know. In my defence, I’m sleep deprived.) Wow. I can’t imagine it being hot at Christmas! No snow 🙁 (Not that it ever bloody snows here, in fact, you probably have more chance of getting that we do, but I digress)
Each time I read about the Golden Child I think of my husband. I mean we do try not to be an imposition (and honestly no one acts like it’s a big deal when we’re there, SIL won’t even skip her normal playdates and things). And we usually pay.
Golden Child, Schmolden Child. Send him a telegram and tell him to stay the fuck home.
Say, can I come over too? I’ll chip in though. You’ll just have to spot me airfare over.
OMW I laughed!!
Sounds like a massive undertaking this Xmas of yours!! LOL! Hope the GC appreciates it. Though I guess not, knowing what GC are normally like.
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
I have a very strict rule in THIS house – no Christmas until 1st December.
I have probably got a few little rules for your mother too if you want to send her up here for a few home truths.
Invite the neighbourhood and ask your daughter to contribute 75% “because its just her and hubby” – suck a few rottens, mother hen, because that is NOT happening.
Bring a plate.
And I was all boggley
I have to say, I LOVE this. And I’m not really sure what it means but I think I get the gist of it. I’m going to use it frequently from now on.
Please don’t kick me..but in my family I am the golden child.. (and I am the first born..still don’t know how that happened)…
Your decorating.. first class.. love it.. and I dragged my husband upstairs to see your post..WHY?? well because I wanted to decorate this weekend and he shut me down. and now you got me all jealous.. sigh.
I feel your pain, man. My parents are always whining that I don’t contribute enough to the funds for food and beverage. Well – mainly beverage. ‘Cause I drink all their effing booze and then apparently don’t replenish the supply enough.
I still think the toddler is drinking some of the beer …
We call our golden child the “Christ Child”.
And he is perfect in every way. Oh yes he is.
We even get to change our Christmas dinner every year according to his schedule.
Yeah, “The Christ Child”, not that I’m bitter or anything!
Absolutely love the centerpiece!
Oh, Jeeze, now I really understand the Toilet Trick Comment. In Ireland they’re called the Supersons.
Hand mom the bill for the extras and give both mom and GC an invoice for the time/services…use your actual pay and figure it out because you are WORTH IT. Oh, and then laugh and tell them both that your givingness was in fact their Christmas gift…falalalala,lalalala! Does Hanukkah look good to you yet? Oh, wait, can’t do the cool decorating for Hanukkah….love the vase!
Suggest you provide the food courtesy of KFC, because nothing expresses your true feelings better than food in a bucket. … What? It’s chicken, and therefore christmassy.
If anyone complains, punch ’em in the kidneys.
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