Alternate title, reason number 47 why I am never EVER gunna get on that Blogher sidebar thingy and they are gunna chuck me out of the mommy club and I will NEVER get me some purdy shoes.
I have been trying to write a post all night.
A post about MPS getting digitally assaulted by his doctor.
A post about random randoms that may or may not have pissed me off today.
A photo essay of me shaving my legs.
But I have a problem. A rather annoying fucking problem.
No one will give me any freaking peace.
Right now. This exact moment, MPS is sitting so fucking close to me I am considering asking him if I have any blackheads on my nose. And he is reading over my shoulder.
Yes you are fucker. I can smell the Homer Hudson chocolate mousse on your breath, and dammit, it is making me hungry.
Every time I get a an awesome kick arse post idea some random child will come up looking for attention and shit. I point them to my blog header and they take no damn notice and start on about what they did today or being hungry or complimenting my hair or something and I am all ‘LOOK AT THE DAMN HEADER CHILD!’ and then get distracted by the shiny and forget the kick arse post.
Sheesh.
And then if it isn’t the damn chillen, it is the phone. People wanting me to pay bills or converse. Can’t they just read my blog or send me an email or something?
Sheesh.
So how do you write blog posts? Are you like me and just sit down, brain dump as the need arises but get performance anxiety if there is some man with a porn star moustache that has just had a rather attractive Sudanese doctor lube up his fingers and insert them in his butt, and get paid for the privilege, peering over your shoulder…
or, do you actually think about what you are writing, craft your post, finding the perfect stolen legitimately gained image, use this button
that apparently makes your ramblings legible, and think before you post.
And do it all sober?
Inquiring minds want to know. Don’t we MPS? Now go brush your damn teeth.
{ 48 comments }
Love the title. Found out today Miss 10 has a string of profanities as her hotmail/msn password.
How do I blog? I dunno. But I do it now and ten- I don’t have any drafts up my sleeve like some people tell me they do. It’s now or never baby!
I can write a really witty & creative blog post in my head but as soon as I’m at the keyboard….nada, nothing, zip. That’s when the brain dumps happen and it doesn’t make much sense.
You’re well aware of my (lack of) blogging habits, so I have no comment on that. I don’t even blog on my REAL blog (ie, the one I was asked to contribute to) anymore. Work work work..
The over-shoulder-looking, however.. That should be pewnished severely. Srsly.
I blog whenever some milestone is reached. Like prostate exams and such.
Or if a kid has a major injury.
I only blog alone, usually early in the morning, at work or late at night. Whenever I feel like it as long as nobody is around.
Hope you are well. Long time no visitee to you. Me busy. Carry on.
Thanks for the link about what you want for Christmas. I used it on the blog when I brought Mrs Doubtfire home.
I love her with an undying passion and devotion….
I just got lambasted in my comments by a real life friend who was ticked off that I didn’t mention that one of my kids was NOT SERIOUSLY INJURED over the weekend and proceeded to explain IN MY COMMENTS how I blog.
I get inspired, by whatever, then I sit and write. I schedule it to post and then I go back repeatedly and tweak it. So often, as my friend found out, the crap I am talking about didn’t happen weeks ago.
I blog in the morning and in the evening. I TRY to do it when people aren’t around but that’s not always possible. I usually am talking about something with that leads me to expand it into a blog post.
If I get blocked I come here and read you and realize I’ve got no chance to be this hillarious so no need to sweat it. Truly.
i’m pretty sad.. i can be in the car, or the shower..or even falling asleep and i’m constructing posts in my head..i try and blog when i’m either alone as the chill ‘en be distractin’ or when i can’t sleep and have the symphony of the beloveds snoring for company.
I dunno, sometimes I hand write a post if an idea comes into my head while I4m away from the computer. Although lately I’ve been too busy/tired to blog much.
I feel you, love. Homer’s been away for a week and I don’t even bother turning on the computer until the kids are in bed. The next thing I know, it’s midnight and I’m hitting “post” with my feet up on the laundry basket!
I feel your pain. I can never fart in my own house because I’ll blow somebody’s head off.
LMAO at the title and so wish that my kids could read. I would change mine in a heart beat if it worked.
I write at night. I don’t have a minute during the day with these kiddos running around. Counting down the days they are off to school.
My method of blogging has become seriously violated & compromised almost becoming obsolete, save for high fat deep fried recipe sharing. About 99.9% of the shit I want to pour my heart out about ends up being deleted through a process of played out scenarios and whiny bitches getting their feelings hurt bombarding my phone and my email with burning “Are you mad at me?” question (cause the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD revolves around THEM)and me just kicking my laptop across the room reaching for the bottle of Grey Goose all because I am as creatively stifled as a constipated elephant on the verge of exploding. ALL because I made the mistake of telling ONE IRL associate (notice I didn’t say friend there!) about my blog early on. Even when that person hasn’t gotten around to stalking me the husband makes sure to scan it for me and blast me away for being such a cruel bitch to her majesty. Seriously, I tried to tell her it’s not all about her & in fact YOU were the object of affection but with her head SO far up her ass I don’t think she heard the muffled pleas! For now I’ll just stick to mini-blogging in your comment box cause I can say shit here. I can say shit, can’t I?
*REALLY hoping she doesn’t read all my comments too! It’s only Monday & I couldn’t handle that kind of stress!*
And I still want to know what the hell is vegemite! Can I fry it? At least put butter on it?
My blogging is strictly off the cuff. I just sit down and do it. And my doctor is a woman – so when she does my Prostate exam, there has to be a witness. So I get my bum exposed to two women at once. Usually, it’s SWMBO – but every once in a while, she can’t make the appointment with me, so the Nurse gets to fill in, so to speak.
I just, uh… write it as soon as I get the time – I wish I had more time to think about what I write, but as you can probably tell, I don’t. >_<
Most times, I have no idea what I’m gonna write until 5 seconds before I start. Unless I do a vlog (see: Saturday’s post) and that took me forevs to edit.
And this is why I will not be the shining star blogger you are.
I usually write whatever the voices in my head are screaming at me to say.
They’re a loud, noisy bunch and if I don’t listen to them they do bad things to me. Like take over my body and make me shout “I wanna f*ck Martha Stewart!” out loud in the middle of the grocery store. It’s like a bad Turret’s tic.
So I just plant my ass in front of the computer and do as I’m told.
But I don’t have to worry about the children’s. I pay the yellow school bus driver big money to make sure she picks them up early and drops them off late.
Heh.
I have a hard time blogging when someone’s in the same room as me.
I’m much less honest when I’m not alone.
WTF?
I actually will switch screens if someone walks in while I’m blogging…I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy…how frickin asinine is that?!? I’m writing for a damn public forum!
Anyhow, I blog when I can and about whatever pops into my head (which right now is rather hollow because I only have the trip to Belgium in my tiny brain.) I also blog when I get really pissed off about something and just have to say my piece.
You, on the other hand, are incredible in your awesomeness in blogging. You never fail to touch me in some way…I’m either laughing so hard my coffee escapes through my nose, or I’m having my heartstrings pulled…you got talent girlfriend!
Well, I live a pretty boring life so I write pretty mundane posts. In other words I don’t have all that much to write about.
But I have started working on my 100 things post and here’s an excerpt from the as yet unpublished post, because it’s not quite time yet, “I can’t seem to sit down, compose a post and hit publish without some inner turmoil, proofreading and a shot of vodka if I am lucky.” And I usually just blow the kids off because even if I am posting at 1 am there are still likely to be a couple of kids awake around here.
I take down notes on random scraps of paper so I don’t’ forget what I want to write about. The problem is that I am way funnier the first time I think about it….
I tend to blog the most when I’m angry, feel slighted, or want to ruffle feathers.
This habit tends to pisspeople off and I lose readers. Alas, I am what I am.
Brain dump, edit, spell check. Many times though it seems as if I’ve skipped steps 2 and 3. Go figure.
I write as soon as my morning chores are done and I’ve had my first cuppa coffee. But it farks my head up something awful if I’m interrupted, and of course mid-morning is when EVERYONE wants a piece of me. It is a constant struggle, and I know now why an office might be a nice thing.
What happens for me is as follows:
Shag ineffectively 2 days running, then write about it.
Repeat 4 times a week for, oooh say, 20 months.
Done.
I guess I’m lucky in that none of my peeps acknowledge I even have a blog. I write most of mine during my lunch hour, longhand, then transfer it to Wordpress. Spell check and ‘find all’ are my best friends.
Bahahahaha, I will send you my angel and then it won’t be so bad. Mwah.
Yes, 99% of what I REALLY want to say is not said because a) I homeschool and the children take me at my word on that (What the?) b) I have never blogged drunk (What the?) c) My greatest blog posts come to me either while I am sitting on the loo contemplating life, while I am washing my hair in the shower or while I am having marital relations with the pool boy. (And we do not own a pool) None are places for the computer.
You need to get a dictaphone. Also, I only post at night, after they’re in bed. I leave myself little notes on the laptop. And if I can’t remember the post, it clearly sucked. So do the ones I remember, however. Shit. I’m no help.
*waves to MPS*
I dunno darl. I don’t like PSLS reading over my shoulder either ……….. am quite happy for him to read after I hit publish, but not while I’m trying to put a post together.
I keep trying to plan my posts… evnen make notes on things I want to write…
but can I do it when I am actually in front of the computer????
NOPE!
then I just unleash the verborrea!!!
I could do with using that cool lil button couldnl;t I???
I’ve had to start posting eeeearrrllyy in the morning sometimes and then sneak off to bed before anyone notices.
On company time of course.. and if I cannot find time to blog at work.. I am hiding in the closet at home because my husband now hates that I have a blog.. just fucking shoot me because I am no help at all..
History, as we all know from watching our politicians, can be easily re-written depending on what mood you’re in.
I vary. Sometimes I feel like I’m freaking Keats writing a sonnet worthy of literary praise. Then, there are days I just write whatever the carp enters my brain.
And, Kel: fuck shaving. Let’s join a nudist colony that doesn’t ever shave.
I hear you on the phone thing. Conversation? Really?
As fer bloggin’, I just keep my little brain on hold waiting for whatever thoughts cross it. Because I am a chronic over-sharer, I always have stuff to write about. And I have notebooks all over so I don’t have to remember anything.
My only rule-slash-MO for posting is I have to have a beverage next to me. And when I pick it up, it is empty. Every time.
Coffe works; wine is better.
I wrote a really fantastic post in my head when I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning – AGAIN! – and figured I’d clearly stay awake – AGAIN! – to write it when I finally got out of bed. However, clearly, if you ventured over to my place today (or tomorrow, because I am saying here now I can’t be sure I’ll bust another one before then), all the brilliance slipped out of my head when I sat upright!
Kelley, you freaking rock! This post totally cracked me up. I don’t have the same distractions but there’s always something getting in the way of my blogging exhibition of awesomeness, and it is indeed, very frustrating.
ech. i have taken to making notes in my iphone about what i want to blog about — especially at birthday dinners, where taking notes on a napkin would be (ahem) kinda obvious.
then i lock myself in my room and make love to my laptop.
oh, at this time of year in the states, we don’t shave — it’s time to winterize
“Right now. This exact moment, MPS is sitting so fucking close to me I am considering asking him if I have any blackheads on my nose. And he is reading over my shoulder.
Yes you are fucker. I can smell the Homer Hudson chocolate mousse on your breath, and dammit, it is making me hungry.”
Hands down, *THE* funniest thing I have read all week.
Ok, so it’s only Tuesday… but it’s been a bad week so far, and that really made me laugh
My posts never, ever end the way they start. Like, right now, I wish I’d have posted about Suzy Kolber’s fugly hat, but you probably don’t know who Suzy Kolber is, and so then, like, it wouldn’t make any sense at all and I have to think about the international audience of thousands (okay, so there’s you and Veronica and Kim) who may not get the whole thing and then I give up and write about getting drunk on rum and coke when I was 20.
Anyone who’s ever read a post of mine knows that its pure un-spellchecked brain dump.
…and MPS has some cheek – how dare he eat yummy icecream and not bring you some.
On weekdays I tend to blog in the evenings when I get home from work. I hope that after a day in the world I have something interesting to write about, but it doesn’t always happen.
On the weekend, I blog when the mood strikes me.
Like you, I HATE when my significant other looks over my shoulder when I am trying to compose a blog post. Worse is when she corrects my spelling when I am trying to write a post.
What sidebar thingy are you trying to get on????
As for blog posts – I couldn’t write with someone looking over my shoulder or interupting me. But I’m having trouble making a lot of sense at the moment anyway so maybe it doesn’t really matter…
I call it vomit of the mouth. That is how I blog. Whatever comes to mind and I don’t care about the language unless I am commenting on other sites, then I have a little censorship. When I don’t post it is simply because I can’t think of a thing.
Hi Kelley–
For all your awesomeness, I just gave you an award on my blog
…stop by for a peek!
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