Most of you know that I took a couple of weeks leave, to do some serious deep cleaning and reorganising this cess pit we call a home. Well the exploding arses and facial Vesuvius of my offspring put paid to that. But I did manage to get a couple of things on my list crossed off. And smiley faced. And over exclamation marked with a W00T for good measure.
One of my jobs on the to do list was the therapy cupboard.
The cupboard that held my world for 4 years. A cupboard full of data sheets, games, toys, homemade flash cards, data data data. I was that mum. I was an ABA (Applied Behaivour Analysis , to be more specific DDT-NET for those in the know) mum. Our days structured down to the last second, every experience an opportunity for learning. A trip to the park became a lesson in colour, shape, texture, actions, cause and effect. Dinner was fine and gross motor skills. All dutifully recorded.
Me and my boy, alone, no providers willing to come to our country town to help. No therapists with a fucking clue. Boo and I flying blind, living and learning. Our lives entwined. Living and breathing data. With the help of some amazing psychologists in the US, helping out this strange Aussie chick over the internetz because the Crocodile Hunter married an American, one step forward two steps back till we found our groove.
Determined that he would be more than those experts said. Determined that we could do it together. ‘No functional speech’ ‘Probably won’t toilet train’ ‘moderate to severe’ ringing in my head all day. All night.
The checklists and dog eared books, reinforcers and Oh My Freaking God, stuff.
It is all gone.
I got something in my eye numerous times while throwing out the chewed games with missing pieces, the endless notes, the reams of printed paper.
They represent a time in my life. A very hard time for the whole family. A time where the foundations were laid for Boo to be where he is today. A sacrifice I would make again and again and again for any of my children.
Materials purchased with the sale of our home. Now worthless, but served their purpose when they were needed.
So now the therapy cupboard sits bare. My heart lurches as I pass the closed door. I pause to look inside and see the box of Easter decorations and a couple of dust bunnies missed in my initial flurry of energy. I need to fill that space with meaningful things, things that don’t clench at my heart like ‘if I worked harder’ ‘if I tried this’, stupid visions of the elusive ‘recovery’ that fuckers keep touting to us parents to seal in the guilt and get us to buy their over priced snake oils.
So the therapy cupboard is bare. The therapy still happens, but it is a fluid beast now. Boo and I are in tune after doing this gig for, fuck, 7 and a half YEARS, now. We are a team.
Perhaps I should fill it with shoes.
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
You are a champion Kelley…
Wotcha gonna put in the empty cupboard?
Might be a good place to hide the toothbrushes? Cover the door with sweet potato themed wallpaper.
Go the shoes, I always run out of hoe storage space.
Seriously though, I used to work in the ‘therapy’ and I’m in awe of Mums like you.
that so should have said shoe not hoe.
That’s a huge step Kelley. You should be very proud of Boo and yourself.
Junked our therapy/advice/research/snake oil papers a few months ago…the chook likes her new bedding 😉
Give Boo some acrylic paints, some canvases and let him explode into technicolour.
Put a lock on it and make it YOUR therapy cupboard, I say. Chocolate… Kahlua… Massage oil…
I am in awe of your strength and what you’ve achieved. I’d give you a big hug, but it’s a long drive for me.
You deserve the shoes.
I Agree with the shoes.
You are an amazing woman, a lesser woman would have put it all in the two hard basket. though i think Jayne’s idea of making the Boo an artist would be good, maybe get the whole family involved?
Oooh heres an idea. if its near the kitchen how about making it a safe haven for all your recipe books and all the cooky stuff you have? then it might take away the feelings you used to have for it? make it something for you 😀
Congrats Kelley, you frigin ROCK!!!
Okay, now why do you do that? I come here and laugh and cry and you’re just so fabulous!
*Ahem* anyway…I think you should fill the cupboard with shoes. You deserve more shoes.
(And have I missed something? I used to be near the top of the “Peeps I love best”, one of my goals in life, and now I seem to have slipped. I might just have to take out hotmamamia – anybody know any hitmen?)
People like you make our world a better place. 🙂
Booze. Its a different kind of therapy. Obviously not for Boo, more for Mummy and other adults.
Just for a second, I thought Ali was trying to tell us something – and I was going to tell her it’s ho, not hoe. Turned out it was shoe and she’s probably normal.
Unlike you, Kelley. You are NOT normal. You are Fab U Lous.
Shoes are therapy too.
You do right by your Boo.
Yes, definitely FAB and I should know, because I am the FabGrandma. You have accomplished so much, just by being able to chunk all that shit out the door. fill the space with chocolate shoes!
Enjoy the emptiness of the cupboard for a while until just the right idea hits you … the empty cupboard says you’ve got a mighty full heart 🙂
But we already knew that …
That cupboard (that is empty? OMG I am green w/ envy, there is NOTHING more thrilling in my eyes than an EMPTY not yet appointed overflowing with endless choices cupboard! Seriously, my heart is all a flutter right now!), would it happen to be large enough for any Christmas colored storage bins? Maybe a cupboard JUST for all things wrapping paper, all tucked away in their neatly organized appointed containers??? You could even name it, like Grand Wrapping Central! Just think of the gorgeous gifts that could come out of there to wow and dazzle the recipients!
Along with the excitement of an empty cupboard, I KNOW you have that even more awesome “GINORMOUS sense of achievement” because it is SO in your face obvious that you kicked ass once again and proved ALL of those assheads wrong, and you have the end result but always a work in progress brilliant child and working relationship to prove it! Regardless of what you decide to repurpose that space for, it will surely always bring a smile to your face when you walk by! Just like YOU do to ME every time I stop by here, it’s unanimous – YOU KICK ASS! 😉
Nicely done!!!
You = rockstar. Thank you for inspiring me on SO many levels!
You need to give that cupboard the glory it deserves. Shoes would be an appropriate gesture.
You definitely need to fill that cupboard with something that will make you smile. For me it would be chocolate or LUSH bath bombs, or something.
Great job mummy. Really great job. Oh and I think shoes are perfectly acceptable.
I got something in my eye too. Bitch.
You are my her-o. For serious.
Definitely a good place for shoes. 🙂
I can’t imagine the strength it took you to go it alone. M’s issues are a lot less severe and we do have access to all sorts of therapies, and still it’s all I can do to keep breathing some days. Things are a lot easier now than they were a few years ago, but it hasn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination.
You are one hell of an inspiration Kelly.
And you have kick-ass shoes.
I’ve been looking for shoes for you. Virtual shoes. But nothing is inspiring me. So I decided to go with this brand name, and leave the rest of the site to you.
http://zeta.zappos.com/product/7488676/color/3
Kelley, you are such a wonderful mom. You and Boo are so lucky to have each other.
Dust in your eye at your house is sweet and touching. At my house it’s because I never clean and someone threw something and bumped the damn ceiling fan.
You and Boo are pretty amazing!
{{hugs}} You’re such an awesome woman. And yes, fill it with shoes and chocolate. And a couple bottles of wine?!?
The telling of the home based therapy sessions, the constant confusing, frustrating, heart breaking search for reliable and useful information, the sacrifices made by everyone in the household for the sake of a family member who needs special care.
It’s all too familiar. I have watched it before, with another dear friend.
You both fill my heart with love and admiration.
On a brighter note…. yes! Shoes! … and bags!
I love you Kel.
There is something in my eye as well xxx
I felt the same way when I got rid of all the baby stuff I had. Not quite the same as all the hard work you had with Boo, but it is the end of an era and tugs at the heartstrings. You sound like you are doing an awesome job with him.
You can never have too much shoe storage, eh?
*hugs* You are amazing…and yes…fill it with shoes.
Definitely fill it with therapy stuff for you.
shoes would be good.
hugs babe
Shit Kelley, now I have something in my eye …
Shoes, chocolate and special coffee. Then it’ll be solely your therapy cupboard. Like, you know, TLC therapy. You have inspired me to work harder. Unfortunately, I just don’t have the motivation, so I’ll hang onto the lappy.
We cannot forget those wonderful glorious plastic organization boxes that you love…first the boxes, THEN fill em up with all your goodies…well done mum..you really should write a book!
hmm.. I could send my kids when they are bad.. do you think they will fit?? I will even give you snacks so they don’t ask for food..
really great post Kelley.. hugs.. 🙂
damn girl.
you know, with nablopomo and this kind of nugget, i sense a linkage of tearful proportions in my future.
hang on to your love handles.
something’s in MY eye too, and NO YOU STILL CANNOT HAVE A DAMN PUPPY YET so don’t even WORRY that i will send you one.
i love you too much for that.
Oh my – thanks for the post Kelley. Our therapy cupboard is filled with Lego. I wanted to fill it with booze.
I can completely relate to the bit that they want our kids to recover, to buy the Super New Therapy that will cure it all and normalise them. Let’s forget about the ‘cure’ for a while and enjoy the gift these kids have given us.
In unity
xx
How amazing! Boo is lucky to have you. So I think you deserve some shoes. Seriously.
Hi,
Just discovered your blog. I admire your heroism, it rings a bell. My sister was born blind. Our Mum did not want to give her up to a specialized centre, thus she did everything possible to have her follow a normal curriculum. After lots of crying and fighting the “normal” system, my sister got an engineering degree, she is married and has two kids.
There is hope out there for kids with special needs, when they are lucky enough to have exceptional parents. You definitely are one of them.
Best Wishes