I guess we won’t be buying the Neverland ranch with our millions then.
You may have noticed a Michael Jackson theme lately.
Not because I have a particular penchant for his multicoloured freakiness, rather Boo does.
Thriller on freaking loop. All. The. Time.
I find myself zombie dancing while brushing my teeth. Waiting in line at the supermarket is interesting, but throw a little leg sliding action in and you are first in line baby. Try it. You are welcome.
Remember when he had that fascination with zombies? And that morphed into murderous sweet potatoes? Well terror has another guise and it may even give me nightmares.
But before I subject you to something more horrifying than a mummified sweet potato (yep. The bastard is still there and he is STILL CHECKING) I need to give you a little back story.
Over the last few months a particular stim has been getting steadily worse. To the point that it is annoying the living fuck out of everyone in the house. Including the bunneh.
You see, when a particular door is opened - no other, just this one, oh and car doors - he has to whoosh out ’something’. It was fine when that is all it was. But it has developed into a full blown 10 minute routine complete with slamming the door repeatedly, pretend very loud explosions, running around to explode every corner of the house and then chanting incessantly.
The door in question leads to the backyard.
The door in question is going to be opened a bajillion times tomorrow when the party gets into full swing.
That is a shit load of explosions and running and freaking the fuck out.
So today I embarked on extinguishing this particular behaivour. Or in layman’s terms bribing him.
I tried redirecting, sleight of hand, yelling, chasing, tackling him. To no avail. So I brought out the big guns.
He wants him bad.
We sat down and talked about the situation (well as best as you can talk to Boo) trying to find out what was scaring him. Moo and her friend A wandered in to give me a hand in desiphering Boo speak.
Was it zombies? No reaction.
Was it vampires? No reaction.
Was it werewolves? No reaction.
‘Robots are pretend’ offers Boo. Awesome. We talk about how cool it would be for a robot to be able to do the housework and cook the meals, but sadly they are pretend. Except for the Roomba. Mummy will give Santa a little somethin’ somethin’ for one of them under the tree… ya feeling me Santa???
Ahem.
Turns out it wasn’t the robots.
Moo and I discuss Boo’s current obsessions while he stares off into space reciting his favourite YouTube clip of the moment. Rugrats, the one where Stu is sleepwalking and cracking eggs on the floor. Lets hope he doesn’t recreate it. Best put the eggs with the sweet potato just to be safe.
‘So do you think it has anything to do with Thriller?’
‘Dunno, is he watching any other Michael Jackson?’
Bingo.
The kid goes nuts. Explosions, squeals, yelps, kissing his freaking ARMS.
‘Michael Jackson’
Again with the exploding child.
Seems zombies, vampires, werewolves and robots are no way NEAR as scary as a gender unspecified, race ambiguous, mask wearing ‘He who must not be named’
We roll around the floor laughing. Boo is all ‘What is so funny?’
We are tempted to say it again. But we control ourselves.
But fuck, if you could only see this kids reaction.
He thinks Michael Jackson is gunna wander into the house and go all Moon Walk on his arse. I can see his point.
So after much discussion, I bring out the big guns and tell him that if he keeps to his promise of no more incessant banging of the doors, no more squealing and only localised terrorist bombings when the door is opened or closed I will buy him Elmo next Saturday.
He tantrumed for a while until he could fully process the information. He tested a couple of times. But he is trying. And that is awesome.
Moo suggested we put a sign on the door:
‘Beat It.’
My sides are still hurting.
What have your kids/siblings/you been afraid of that beats Sir Unmentionable and the rotting corpse of a root vegetable?
35 Responses to “I guess we won’t be buying the Neverland ranch with our millions then.”
November 1st, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Nothing to rival that but when my 3rd was 2 he became obsessed with puddles. Really wanted to jump in puddles. Insisted we buy special puddle-jumping boots. Screamed, screamed and screamed when he came within a metre of a puddle. Shaking, yelling, crying, took about a year to get over it.
November 1st, 2008 at 10:35 pm
oh I’m laughing too much to possibly think!!
no wait……. we only had scares from mundane ordinary stuff like vaccum cleaners and really - who could blame her!?! lmao
November 1st, 2008 at 10:48 pm
First, I kinda share Boo’s fear as my therapist keeps insisting I have conveniently blocked out entire gaps of years from my 80’s childhood. Or at least I can relate and tell him he is the smartest boy in the world and should def hold a seat in council in the new free world!
Around here we don’t have any fears per se, more like “I REALLY fucking hate that and will scream and yell and pierce any eardrum within a 5 mile radius with my 2 yr old little girl lungs and if that does not work I will throw myself at you and then the floor where I will not breathe until I am blue and puke”. And that is the reaction I (or any other poor unsuspecting soul) gets for simply trying to sing. Singing ANYTHING. NO Twinkle Twinkle, NO Happy Birthday, NO Barney (I’m not sad about that one!), NO ABC’s…
How the hell am I supposed to teach her the alphabet if I can’t sing them?
Random fact - When I was very small and could not fall asleep lying in bed at night, I would either count into the millions, or do other weird stuff in my head all stemming from my OCD. I can still say my ABC’s backwards FASTER than forwards, and for that I am special! Or specialER
Still praying for NO RAIN for the special day!
OR, you COULD hit a dollar store and stock up on cheap ponchos and be the coolest Mum in the world letting the children play in the rain! Unless there is lightening and/or hail.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Shit, I’m afraid of Michael Jackson too! Thats one creepy Mo-Fo.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Geez, fear of popping balloons and witches really pales in comparison.
We’ll have to try harder.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Butterflies freak me out. I’ve mowed down old women and children in attempts to put some distance between me and the nasty things.
November 1st, 2008 at 11:54 pm
PMSL! I never expected that result! Glad you got to the bottom of it, and I can quite understand why he’s so freaked by the man.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:24 am
The evil youngest one is afraid of the vacuum cleaner. It’s the only thing he’s afraid of. He will run into traffic, go right up to scary people handing out candy on Halloween, and disappear in crowded places but turn that vacuum on and he’s freaking out and crying.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 am
I’m afraid of, nay, disgusted by, chicken on pizza. It’s hard for me to even type it.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 am
OMG, so funny! When my children were young, like around 5, 3 and 2, we lived across the street from some people who bought a flock of chickens. The first day they had them, very early in the morning, like RIGHT BEFORE THE SUN CAME UP, the rooster crowed. My kids flew out of bed and ran to my room, terrified of the monster in the woods. And, when Becca was little, she was terrified of having her hair washed. My neighbors across the street thought I was beating her, she screamed so loudly whenever I washed her hair. And then there was the time the stupidest weather man in the world announced on the 5 o’clock news that a “monster storm” was on it’s way. My son wouldn’t sleep for a week.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:54 am
Farcking dragonflies.
Those things dive bomb my damn head and I all but wet myself racing away in fear.
My kids and hubs think it is fantastic as I die of a coronary cuz the little buggers swarm my head.
I need to move.
November 2nd, 2008 at 3:15 am
Your son reminds me so much of mine!!!
Jack has had very interesting fears.
At one time, he was TERRIFIED of PBSkids here and anything related to that network. That’s the network that has sweet innocent shows like Sesame Street and Between the Lions. Jack was so scared.
He went through a strong fear of bubbles….you know the innocent soap things with the little wand.
Like your son, he was scared of the happy birthday song thing.
He went through a stage of being terrified of costumed characters (although that’s fairly typical of children).
He’s scared of Disney villians although that has died down a bit.
His most recent intense fear is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And he used to like it! He’d watch scenes from the movie over and over. He read some of the book.
Now he hates it. He gets upset if I even mention it.
I think the thing that’s hard about these fears is he doesn’t just fear one little thing that’s easy to avoid. He fears anything associated with it. He fears encountering it and will become avoidant. And he often won’t tell me WHY he’s avoiding something. And if I ask him, he’ll get mad at me. But finally lately, he’s been a little more open. So, that’s helpful.
November 2nd, 2008 at 3:18 am
Oh!
I forgot another fear.
Dora the Explorer.
That didn’t last too long thankfully. Suddenly though, he decided that Dora was absolutely terrifying.
Unfortunately my niece had a Dora themed birthday party. Jack was very calm about it. I’ll give him credit for that. He just played upstairs the whole time, away from the Dora-on-TV.
November 2nd, 2008 at 4:16 am
No fear, but I do have a great joke about ‘tickle me elmo’ and giving him two test-tickles… hee hee hee hee
November 2nd, 2008 at 4:19 am
Beat it. Snort.
Bees. Not me, Not Mr. Hot. Shortman. All 6′2″, 220 lbs of hisself.
November 2nd, 2008 at 5:00 am
The child is wise beyond his years.
November 2nd, 2008 at 5:34 am
I am proud of him. Everyone should be afraid of that thing.
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:03 am
Hilarious post, Kelley.
My daughter used to be scared of mirrors. She was afraid that spirits and other nasties would come through them and get her. Even now, I will sometimes go into her room and see the mirror flipped against the wall.
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:51 am
Dude, your kid may be the smartest person on the planet. If only more people were petrified of MJ, the world would be a better place.
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:45 am
OMG where did you find that GAWD awful uber disgusting picture of that creepazoid…my daughter HATES to this day, clowns…
Still doing the antirain dance right now since I know it is Sunday where you are!!!!
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:32 am
I agree with Boo that Michael Jackson is pretty scary.
One of mine used to be terrified of Jim Carrey in The Mask. The part where the head exploded was the worst.
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
When I was a wee-one, the Thriller video premiered on MTV and we were the only family in the neighborhood with cable. Everyone came over to watch it. After MJ turned into a werewolf, I hid in the closet. It scared me to death.
BTW … Moo is my effing hero … “Beat it” … muahahahahahahaha
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:24 am
ROFL over here. Earlier this year the SRC at the school held a games afternoon to co-incided with the opening of the olympic games. They were put into different teams (countries) and had an opening ceremony etc. Then they had picnic type games. In the weeks leading up to this C6’s class had been learing obout how the olympics were in china. He was terrified about going to school for olympic day because he liked Australia and didn’t want to go to China….
November 2nd, 2008 at 11:48 am
*laugh* I can totally understand why Boo finds Michael Jackson so terrifying.
Hope he is able to beat this stim and get himself the new Elmo toy.
November 2nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Lucky it’s Michael Jackson. It COULD be somebody else, like Madonna, or Paris Hilton.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I think we are all just a little bit scared of Michael Jackson.
Noah has spider fear.
Ivy is scared of nothing… okay, maybe doctors.
The big girls are currently scared to go to sleep, for fear of the freaky scream ghoul coming to get them.
November 2nd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
My son is terrified of the prospect of babies getting kidnapped. It all started with the movie Son of the Mask…which is supposed to be a comedy. Instead…it gave my son Post Traumatic Stress. Oh and he is also scared of “The Evil Queen with Special Needs.” I think he means the one in Snow White. That one makes me laugh.
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:26 pm
For the past few months FB has to meow like one of our cats.
REALLY high pitched, so high it makes your ears bleed.
The frigging cat thinks he rocks.
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:21 am
Well he’s not dumb.
If I was a cute little boy I’d be a fuck of a lot more scared of Michael Jackson than any zombies or werewolves.
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Michael Jackson scares me too…
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Michael Jackson is a sad excuse for a man. It’s a shame what he has done to himself.
November 4th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Keep your son away from L.A., that’s all I can say. All those round-cheeked-shiny-skinned-paralyzed-forehead-wide-eyed-mega-breasted-wrinkly-necked victims of plastic surgery make Michael Jackson look almost human in comparison.
November 4th, 2008 at 6:13 am
There is NOTHING on this planet scarier than Michael Jackson. True fact.
November 6th, 2008 at 7:38 am
I get the creepies from the things in I Am Legend… probably because im kind of a half germaphobe and the idea of zombies made from a virus makes me want to kill myself so I don even have to see it happen… same with the things from Grindhouse/Planet Terror. Actually, those are worse. those aren’t afraid of the light….
November 6th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I just know this is another one of those posts where some dumbass tells you “you really ought to get Boo evaluated.”
Michael Jackson is trantastic with his freaky “Thriller” self.
Leave a Comment