Forgive me internetz for I have sinned.
I don’t know what the fuck it is that I did. But the MoFo must have been huge dude, cause the shit keeps hitting the fan and spraying the walls.
And I am out of disinfectant.
Day SIX of vomiting and arse exploding. And last week it was the flu.
But that is not the worst of it.
Two weeks leave to completely declutter our house and prepare for the party and I have had a total of one fucking DAY without someone home needing attention.
But that is not the worst of it.
Dyeing my hair on the weekend a lovely warm brown with golden highlights and it came out black. Black. Fuckit.
But that is not the worst of it.
Finding a bucket kicked over on the carpet that was full of vomit. And now is not.
But that is not the worst of it.
Boo changing his fucking mind every five minutes about what he wants for his party.
But that is not the worst of it.
The worst is I saw the weather forecast for Sunday. The day of Boo’s birthday extravaganza, a carnival party with 40 kids with lots of outside water based games. You know where I am going with this don’t you…
I mean, come on universe! Would it fucking KILL YOU to allow the day of Boo’s big ‘thankyou to all the awesome kids at Boo’s school for being so tolerant and wonderful and caring’ party to be the only fucking day of the month to RAIN?
I know we are in a drought. And we had like the driest month on fucking record. But fuck me dead universe, just one day, one day, after all we have been through this year, just make this one day sunny and warm?
I have put up with you flinging your shit at me all my fucking life year, smiling and nodding ‘Nice one, Centurion. Like it. Like it’, picking myself up and dusting off and getting on with the new path you have set for me. But dude, cut me a break. This is all about Boo. And his wonderful tolerant friends. This party is im-fucking-portant.
So this is what I want, nay demand. A sunny, warm day. No wind. All the kids come, have a wonderful time and know that we are truly thankful for having them in Boo’s life. The party will be a rousing success.
You hear me?
You hear me, universe? I have had enough of your shit dude. You will do this.
Now excuse me, I feel queasy all of a sudden and need to find a bucket.
*shakes fist at the roof*
So anyone know an anti rain dance? Cause 40 kids, 10+ adults in my house the day before I start my new job with almost double the hours and Moo starts her VCE exams is not a good idea. I could do with some positive vibes here my lovelies cause I am at the end of my fucking rope. My vomit covered rope.
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crooking my finger for the rain to come my way.
and if that doesn’t work i will give the rain my finger…
Bloody hell
*hugs* am sending a huge wave of positive vibes your way and promise to do my special anti rain dance on Sunday morning.
I am sending the no rain vibes your way. You deserve a good day, woman.
Good Gad woman! You are some kind of saint for even SURVIVING such a month! I don’t know if my sun vibes will reach you, but I’ll send them on the fastest ship. Good luck!
After all that, I think it should rain alcohol for you. It’s the least the universe could do…
i’m doing an anti-rain dance as we speak. fucking rain.
I think we need the rain to come and wash away the vomit.
But hopefully, it shall come the day before or after the birthday.
Oh noOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!
I, for one, like the idea of having all those kids come over to catch whatever heinous disease you have in your house and bringing it home with them.
God I’m a bitch. And just pretend like I didn’t type that because i don’t want karma to come and kick me in the ass and bless ME with an exploding ass barfathon.
Holy crap.
*big hugs*
Here’s hoping that next month rocks big-time.
MWAH.
I forbid rain for Boo’s party. There, that should do it.
If you survive all this, you deserve some new shoes…
Sending my good vibes down to you. Not down ON you. Down TO you.
Whatever works.
Sending good vibes! Hope it all works out!
Vibes? You got ‘em.
How abouts we shove a cork in the sky’s bum for you?
I’m trying…I am REALLY TRYING…..does it help to know that we got SNOW tonight??? Just a little, but still it is SNOW in October in Pittsburgh and that does not bode well for our winter…I swear…if I can bring your rain here…I will……
As another person who’s kids have birthdays within a week of each other, I understand the insanity of birthday week when you are trying to organise both a fairy princess and a pirate party all at once… so I’m sending anti-rain vibes to you for the party.
… and I’m also sending more anti squitters vibes ’cause that shite is no fun.
*hugs* *HUGE HUGS*
Sending you some anti rain vibes! And I have two kids whose birthdays are 12 years and 2 days apart. I know how much it sucks to have to throw together two COMPLETELY different parties 2 days apart.
You poor poor thing! I totally feel your pain as that bitch ass universe has had it’s fun with me when it comes to outdoor themed birthday activities! But what the universe didn’t realize while it was hurling rain, sleet, & golf ball sized hail down on me and my 50+ party guest in the middle of Spring and everyone huddled in my less than adequate house, was the fact that I keep the shit REAL! Thus I am not afraid to fill kiddie pools with water & sand IN my living room! Take that universe! I ain’t skirred!
I’ll put in a few words for you and in the mean while, try your hardest to keep your head up and don’t show the slightest sign of defeat, it hates that!
The vomiting thing though…I can’t help you there!
wishing you lots of health and sunshine here darl.
hugs
Since everyone else is praying for no rain, I’ll pray for the vomits and bum explosions to cease. Instantly. Do I need to pray on my knees? Do I really? Can’t I pray from the comfort of my chair? Oh, okay. That creaking sound you hear is my knees bending………
*keeps everything crossed that it doesnt rain*
*also keeping everything crossed that the sickness buggers off soon!*
Goodness. When things turn around in your direction again (and things always do turn around!) you are in for a HEAP of cool shit!
A drought ended on my sisters (outside in a gazebo) wedding day. All the plans were changed and shuffled at the last minute and the wedding was still lovely.
If that helps…
Sending you pink fluffy thoughts…
Rain…{{wink}} Oh, rain-y baby….{{said in a really sultry voice}}
My, my, my. What a big, handsome man you are Rain. {{wink}} {{rolling tongue around lips}}
{{whispers}} Why don’t you come see me instead. I promise, I’ll make it worth your while {{wink}}
Sending thoughts of sunshine and disinfectant. Hang in there.
OY! You deserve this one day woman.
I’m crossing everything and squatting like a pretzel that all rain steers clear of you.
“But that’s not the worst of it”
At least you’re TRYING to be optimistic…
Props for that.
Hope it gets a hell of a lot better for ya, girl
You forgot to mention the massive amounts of Yiddish. I wish you the best of luck. I know you have been getting it from all sides…and you must be tired of swabbing the poop deck.
hee hee hee hee….
You don’t take any notice of the weather forecast do you? That’s your first mistake right there.
I’m just on the phone to China now to borrow their anti-rain technology.
I’m sure it’ll make it to you by Saturday.
I mean, we could always do with some rain here on Saturday…. I’m just sayin’
Ok, I am late. How was the party? Did it rain buckets? Let me clarify, buckets of RAIN, not vomit. Your familia likes you some sickie-buckets.
I hope everything was bitch’in
Again, clarifying, bitch’in cool not bitch’in bitching.
That sucks. I have to be honest and let you know that I am very comforted at knowing that I am not the only one that has this shit happen to. All the time.
I really hope that it doesn’t rain for you, babe.
Effing weather! WTF? Sigh… I hope that they are wrong (the forecasters here almost ALWAYS are) and it all works out!
I’m not sure I have much pull up there, but I’ll see what I can do as a recently ordained minister.
May you not have anything dripping from clouds nor bodily orifices so you can have a great carnival party.
Oh, and I saw the most awesome party goody for the kids: fart putty. Seems like it would be a gas along side that Walter book Boo got. Don’t think it would ship in time though: http://tinyurl.com/fartputty
Oh, god, a vomit covered rope.
I am so sorry, my girl.
You are an awesome mom. Just keep repeating that to yourself. One day things will be calm and steady and boring. You are an awesome mom today.
I will do a big fat rain dance to try to get the showers to my side of the globe! I hope the party is fantastic!
You are the funniest..I am sorry.. even through all your crappy shit you still make me laugh the hell out loud..
I really hope there is no rain.. I will pray..best I can .
My god, woman! Vomit, crap, and rain. Next there will be the 12 Horsemen of the Apocalypse asking if they can board their horses in your backyard.
I’m going to do a rain dance — which consists of snuggling beneath the covers for a nap. But I’m sure it will work.
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