That song has been running round in my head all week. Lydia the Tattooed Lady. Or rather ‘Chlamydia infecting my bay-beeee.’
Sing along with me now!
Or maybe not. He.
I suppose you are wondering what the fuck I am on about. Or perhaps you have run away screaming ‘UNSUBCRIBE! UNSUBCRIBE! She has finally gone too freaking far!’
Too has had a freaking cold whiney flu thing for months. Rendering her incapable of doing any of her household chores, taking her washing and rubbish out of her room, but thankfully she is miraculously damn freaking CHIPPER if a friend comes over or there is a sleepover/party looming. Yeah.
So I dragged the biatch to the doctor. AND Moo for good measure. Cause she seemed to have a dose of the Sleeping Emos too.
So we see this doc. At a bulk billing clinic (for the overseas lovelies, this means it is FREE. F.R.E.E. as in NO MONEY changes hands. As in ‘we don’t need your stinking cash, save it and buy shoes and lattes’. Na na nana na) which in the sticks means doctors that have just arrived in Australia, so their grasp of the English language is ‘interesting’
As an aside: Do not take this the wrong way. If I felt that the doctors were less than capable I would not take my kids there. I mention the ‘new Australian’ only because it is relevant to the story…
Anyway, the dude looks like Old Vlad Putin. Seriously. His Russian accent is thick, and I have to concentrate really really hard to understand what he is saying. All the while trying to get Boo to Shut. The. Fuck. Up. about the chicks creaming.
He asks the girls questions and they look at me pleadingly, not knowing what to say. I get every second word and try to put the pieces together while trying to make Boo keep his clothes on and desperately hoping that the doctors understanding of English is as limited as his speech cause Boo is on about the pussy wagon getting him lots of tit.
And then he says it. ‘We will test. She has Chlamydia. We will test.’ Too sniggers. Moo’s eyes bug out of her head and her jaw hits the floor. I try to act all nonchalant, like it is every fucking day some doctor tells me that my 14 year old daughter has a sexually transmitted disease after looking down her throat and checking her lungs.
Um, looking down her throat? *taking to my rocking corner*
That was last Wednesday. She had blood tests, but a little ‘event’ prevented me from
remembering making a follow up appointment. Today we went for the results.
Damn Emo is healthy as a fucking ox. Well I don’t know if ox’s, oxes, oxii, are naturally healthy, it is just a figure of speech. Apparently. Whatevz. The biatch is fine.
And she doesn’t have Chlamydia pneumoniae the most common form of pneumonia.
Fucker needs to learn to say pneumonia. Some things you just don’t shorten K?
I love me some Kermit.