You know when you have one of those days where you wake up in the morning, late, and every fucker wants to have a shower ahead of you and then you have to settle for a wash in the sink and then you try and straighten your hair and then every fucker gets in your way and you never actually get around to finishing and go to work with half straightened hair and you don’t realise for a couple of hours and then every fucker wants a piece of you and then when you finally finish and go to school to pick up your kid and every fucker wants a piece of you and only for bad fucking news and while they are all bitching at you at once and other fuckers are waiting BEHIND those fuckers wanting a piece of you and you get the heel of your favourite shoes stuck in a step and everyone holds their breath to see if you cry and then your child has a meltdown that you coin Epic Meltdown 2008 and then it goes for 2 fucking hours and then when you think that it is finally over turns out he is just warming up and then goes on for another 2 fucking hours and that means you are not going to get to the grocery store and every fucker is complaining that there is nothing to eat and then screaming child decides that he is over running out into the street to scream and hear his screams bounce off all the houses in the neigbourhood while the neighbours peek out their windows and he takes a breath and demands a particular pair of pants that are sitting in the dryer waiting for you to turn the fucker on, but you were distracted by the fact your brain has liquefied from the constant high pitch screams coming from said child and you try and try to explain to the child that they are wet and he insists on wearing them anyway and you are all ‘fuck it’ and let him wear them anyway, anything to stop the screaming and then you check the answering service and it turns out the fucking bank fucked up ALL of your automatic payments and you are in arrears for every fucking thing at the tune of thousands of fucking dollars and then your husband is all fucking ‘woe is me I have a sore ankle’ and then you lose your fucking mind and just want to rip off every fuckers head and shit down their neck and then you go on the internet and write the longest run on sentence with a world record for the use of the word ‘and’ in a sentence?
Days like that suck don’t they?
And if this fucking post don’t get my fucking blog banned from every fuckers fucking work fucking fuckity fuck fucker filters then I don’t know what the fuck else will.
Fuck. Damn. That feels better.
{ 81 comments }
Fucking A
wow! awesome!
That is the most awesome sentence in the history of forever!
(hugs) Hope tomorrow is less fuckity
fuck yeah!
Wow, glad you shared your day with us all! May tomorrow bring you a sane day.
You deserve one.
Hope you fucking feel better now!
No use of the C word I note. You won’t get banned without that.
Wow – what a shitty day you had.
Hugs to you. And Chocolate.
…and if it makes you feel better, your blog would have been banned from my work long ago (along with everything else that’s not “for work purposes only”)…. but that’s what I get for working for the guvment…. no fun allowed!
Yeah, I have those fucking days, but lately they’ve morphed into those fucking weeks and even months. Sounds like you could use a good dose of Fuckitol. It’s abundant in supply here in the states and comes in peach, blue, and white depending on the level of the shittiness of your day. Goes great with vodka too
.
{{BIG HUGS HUN!}} & Congrats on the run on sentence, I thought I held the title for being the queen of the art. I really don’t have to but I have a good friend that is the grammar Nazi & crawls out of her skin when I do it.
*hug*
Damn.
I mean….fuck?
So,
Have you had a bad day love?
*ducks*
It does sound like a fucked up day. Hope the virtual vodka helped. Here’s hoping for a less fuckidy Wednesday!
Well, Fuck. ~gasp~ You know when you have a run-on sentence people try to read it without taking a breath.
I work from home most days, and I won’t ever ban you.
See what happens when you mock the Croc ?
Hell yeah! I feel better just reading all those fucking fucks which must have been fucking breeding in your blog by the amount of spawning they have done in the comments. Fucks fuck each other, who fucking knew.
Oh and I gave you another fucking award
http://leechbabe.wordpress.com/2008/08/19/award-and-the-who-are-you-people-meme/
Well fuck me, lots of fucking lovely fuckiness in the fucking comments my lovelies.
Love it!
Oh and what the fuck is going on that I NEVER get notifications about links to me any more? I mean duuuuuude what the fuckity fuckness is THAT?
I don’t think anything I write here could rise to the eloquence of fucking fuckity fuck fucker. It really says it all.
Thousands of English teachers all over the planet have just had heart attacks and died. Fuckers.
oh ma fucking gawd! What a fucking bad day! you better add ear plugs to your shopping list.
Best fucking rant I have read all year, and I have read quite a few. You rule all aspects of the game.
Fuckin A!
Times like this….you just need a hug. Or a Xanax. Either one will work. Hope things are calmer now.
Wow – days like that really fucking suck, huh?
It was fun battling with you in Hot’s comments – just wanted to stop by and say hey and make sure you knew it was all in good fun! Thanks for the laugh.
Awwww, honey.
I’m sending you shoes. Shiny shiny shoes. With sharp heels, so you can beat the fuckers in the head and then wear them with pride.
Best Fucking post in the history of fucking or posts biatch. I’m sorry that fucking day was awful. I’d give you a fucking hug if I could but I’m all the way in fucking America and that fucking sucks right now.
So, um, question here. When the fuck was your last weekend away by yourself? Just you. No ninjas, no Emos, no nuttin’, just you? ‘Cause babe, you fucking sound like you’re about to fucking blow. {hugs}
Your fucking blog is fucking blocked at my fucking work. Fuckers. That’s why I have to use my fucking thumbs to comment on you fucking awesome run-on sentence
Fuck. (But not banned!)
I don’t work, so no fucking block over here!
Hugs to you, my dearest.
Listen, you are fucking awesome. Don’t ever forget that.
Umm, is it safe to ask if I should send you some Rescue Remedy?
With regard to the links any more, are you talking about the one on the dashboard, or the one’s attached to each post?
Number of fucks used in this post: 3
How many times you used fucker(s): 10
Using fucking as an adjective: 8
Total fuck uses in the post: 23
Being entertained at your expense: Priceless
I won’t say it’ll get better, but holy shit, it’s not going to get any worse. You can take solace in that or add me to your list under ‘smarmy fucker.’
fuck dude…I think the answer is D all of the above..there was a question wasn’t there?
Red
Fuck..I don’t know. Fuck
Breathe in, breathe out.
Fuck yeah.
http://partywithaninfant.blogspot.com
kelley, i do wish you would not hold back and tell us how you REALLY feel about this …
I am on rescue remedy some days, think I need the whole bottle today…..not sharing, being greedy…. JK.
Here is to you getting up shortly to an amazing day, and I just read your post again, beautiful.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Mother mother fuck. Mother mother fuck fuck. Mother fuck mother fuck.
Noise noise noise.
1 2 1 2 3 4
*Jay & Silent Bob rock the fucks
Hope that helps your bad day.
My auntie’s work filter collapsed and fucking died. She’ll be getting abusive emails off IT people tomorrow. Hehe
Well fuck me! Well said!!
Honey—you go out and buy yourself a pair of freakin FUCK ME shoes, ya hear??!!
Personally, I felt it was a tad vulgar.
I’m thinking a yam would totally cheer you up.
You swore, bad girl. And you still can’t say pussy on this fucking blog. What a load of screaming smegma that is.
Fucking Leigh stole my ‘fuckity’!
FUCK!
Yeah, that really sucks Kel, I hate when that happens.
When did you realise you ahd only half straightened your hair? *snort*
…and are your shoes ok?
What a fucked up day!
My work blocks OTHER LAW FIRMS, but you get through. Good thing that, how would I get through the day?
Maaaaaan … now I am never going to be able to read while I am supposed to be “working” ah-gain!
Hope your day is better today, BUT never stop saying “fuck!” It’s hilarious in such a non-Bill Cosby way!
You are now officially banned from my work. I think my feedreader is also banned. Related? I’m not sure. Fuckity fuck fuck fucking worth it.
well then.
my office doesn’t know how to filter.
and you? you need a stiff drink. sorry that you had a horrendous terrible day.
I love you. Fu**er..
Exchange everyone getting in before you and half straightening your hair and not being able to have a shower with no hot water.
Add in no phone.
No Internet.
And chickenpox in a 6 month old.
2 house guests.
You have my week. Did you say something about vodka?
How. Fucking. Awesome.
I will have to bookmark this and come back to it when I’m having one of Those Days.
you go! well fucking said!
Ummmm, interesting post….lol
Hope today is going better for you
Holy Shit! Or rather…Holy Fuck!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ck
Oh yeah, you’re right. That does feel better.
Who’d have guessed?
Hope it gets better soon.
I sure wish I could vent like that. I bet that felt awesome to let it all out. Your my hero!
Fuck. Me. Dead. And. Sideways.
Its my favourite way after a day like that.
Smooches.
Just think….you never have to experience THAT day EVER again.
And look what an eloquent story you told. With such colourful illustrations too!
And that, my dear, is why I love you.
That was fucking awesome. For fuck’s sake.
The day? NOT SO FUCKING MUCH.
I’m really fucking sorry, hun.
It’s been a while since I had days as bad as that, but yes, they surely do fuck…er..suck.
Luv ya.
OK… here goes. I wasn’t gunna comment individually but DAY-UM you guys crack my fucking shit up…
Lee: Dude..
Spotrick: What the sheer number of fucks or the fact that I can read that out loud without taking a breath?
Leigh: It wasn’t but I couldn’t top that sentence. Unless it was just a hundred fucks without a space. Maybe next time.
rah: W00T for the fucks!
Susanna: Thankyou babe.
Zuzu: Just the act of typing that many fucks in a stream was awesomely cathartic. Like a douche for my brain.
Ian: Never the C word. Ever. I am too classy for that…
Amanda: It has been blocked at my work too. But I am allowed to google swear words in English and foreign languages. Perhaps I just need to start saying Fuck in Swahili?
O’Neal: I needz me some Fuckitol. Just for the entertainment value.
Marylin: Thanks babe. Tis all good now.
Lilacspecs: Yeah, fuck…
Bettina: Did you feel that slap across the head? Good.
Ms Fifikins: Lets shoot for an awesome Thursday shall we?
Kel: I can SAY the fucker without a breath. I am that awesome.
Jayne: You Croc wearers will rue the day. Cause those bastards will melt where all little bloggers go when they die.
Marita: Fucking love that fucking sentence you fucking rockstar.
Dingo: It is rather poetic isn’t it? Might give it to Moo for her Literature exam.
lceel: Bwaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Karen: Good idea. Or just lots of Vodka.
Blackpetero: Dammit! You know The Game? Regardless, you just made me lose it fucker! Now I must wake my children and inform them that they have just lost the game.
Sarah: How about I hug a pharmacist? Then I can get both.
Shelly: Go back and see, I have issued you a challenge…
Sunshine: The blood just washes off the shoes right?
Maria: I fucking wish you would get your fucking arse on a fucking plane and give me a fucking hug you fucking biatch.
Ha! I have a pin that says, “You piss me off you fucking jerk.” You can borrow it.
Jen: That would have been the last time I went to a Conference. And shared a room with 8 other chicks… Hmmm, otherwise NEVER. Fuck.
Jennifer: Fucking AWESOME! Takes me, like 12 hours to text Moo ‘what time home’ I bow to your fucking awesomeness.
Ree: Fucking YAY!
Gina: As are you my lovely.
Solomon: Oooh I forgot to get some more Rescue Remedy! And I am talking about in the dashboard, Google Alerts AND Technorati! I just wander over to a blog and find a link to me and I am all FUCK ME and I am so embarrased…
VE: DUDE! That was AWESOME! I totally need that in a header for my blog or something!
Jim: Dude, it has been worse. Believe me. Those are the days you find me rocking in the corner…
MP: *gaffaw*
How to party with an infant: Oh. That is why I am that shade of blue?
the planet of janet: Sorry. Will make sure I am clear next time
susanna: Perhaps if I bathe in it?
A Whole Lot of Hooch: Girl, I LOVE me some Jay and Silent Bob!
Kath: Record all the fucks that spew from her mouth. Epic.
Heidi: It is rather cleansing, all those fucks. But I need a shower now.
BoxBoy: Bite me. Right here *points to her arse*
ZoeyJane: Bwaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa! God. I. Love. You.
Anja: I believe ‘screaming smegma’ is BoxBoy.
GoaldeeBug: Shoes are fine. But I had to buy them a matching handbag today to make them feel better
Lynda: I can understand blocking other law firms. Totally.
I’ll never get through all that in one sitting….
Maternal Mirth: No point in stopping now. I have done my bit for the corporate world by getting banned. I do believe they owe me shit loads of cash.
Deb on the Rocks: Awesome! And fuck. Does that mean NO ONE will read anymore?
Magpie: Drink? I am contemplating that soaked tampon in Vodka trick. No. No I am not. I just threw up in my mouth at the thought.
Kiki: Back atcha biatch.
Kin: Cheers babe. And M has chicken pox? Fuck. Fuckity Fuckness.
Goaliegirl: A fuck tirade fixes all ills. I should patent it.
beautiful mess: Thankyou *bows*
Tina: ummm, interesting comment.
Mrs Schmitty: You got it right the second time.
Tiff: Do not underestimate the power of the fuck.
Kelly: It was a great feeling. You can do it. I can coach you
Laura: I don’t think a fuck rant has ever been called eloquent before…
Latte Mommy: back atcha
VDog: Fucking thankyou fucker
River: *gaffaw* loves ya back.
Ellie: I want one that says ‘Fuck off fucker or I will fuck you up.’
BoxBoy: I broke up all the responses into 3 lots for those with short attention spans. And legs.
The sitting I referred to was what you invited me to dine on.
But if I have to explain my jokes…
BoxBoy: If you have to explain them then they must be no good right? And dude, you couldn’t handle the awesomeness of my arse. Seriously. You would faint from the fabulousness of it. But apparently it goes well with sweet chilli sauce…
The only way to improve on the ‘fucking fuckity fuck fucker’ phrase is to include the word ‘arse’
‘fucking fuckity fuck arse fucker’;)
and no, didn’t feel a thing
mwah!
Google blogsearch doesn’t always pick up on a link back to you. It seems to work better if it’s a deep link to a post, more so than to the .com address.
You’d think that a company like Google would be able to make it work, but apparently not.
awww- fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gebus! Boxboy is rocking his wrist over your arse and babes wearing meringues?????
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK ME FERAL.
I feel so much better now.
Bettina: Nothing? You must be immune to the ways of the fuckity fuck fuck. I feel sad for you
It is like orgasms, the more the better.
Solomon: Thanks! And fuckers at Google…
Tiaras & Tantrums: Fuck Yeah!
Anja: ‘Fuck me feral’ awesome.
bitch makes it sound so glamorous.
who’s jealous now?
oh yeah, i am.
Damn.
You’re right, that sucks.
There should be a health warning not to read this post out loud because you fucking pass out from not breathing through the run on sentence.
felt nothing when you slapped me biatch was what I meant
You need a few more words at the end – my friend and I used to always say “DAMN, SHIT, FUCK, HELL, PISS” when we were really in a mood. If you say it really fast it’s oddly satisfying.
Hang in there.
I’ve been having one of those days off-and-on for a few weeks now. I had to come back to read this and even though I would love to read this in a loud screeching voice in my office, I can’t. So I read it in my head in a very screamy voice and I feel a lot better. Hope you did afterwards as well.
fuckity fuck me i had a whole fucking cool ass fucking comment to fucking write for fucked over you but my fucking kid just got up from his fucking nap and now i fucking have to fucking go get him.
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