I love my daughter.
She is a gorgeous, funny, sassy 16 year old chick.
But fuck me dead she is a dirty slob.
Tomorrow her new bed arrives. A bed that MOTY bought her. A bed she picked that is PERFECT and GORGEOUS and TO DIE FOR.
A. Two. Thousand. Dollar. Bed.
I don’t think my mother bought me anything worth that in my life. But that is MOTY for you, full of surprises.
Anyway, for the last week I have been begging nagging asking Moo to tidy up her room in readiness for the gorgeousness of the new sleeping apparatus.
Before I get too much further I need to explain something. MOTY was a snooper and a freaking clean freak. The second I set foot out of my room she would be in there ‘cleaning’ and ‘freshening things up’ and fucking going through my stuff.
I swore I would never be a mother like that. My girls rooms are their space to have as they please. The only rules are no food, washing in the laundry, a clear path from their bed and desk to the door (in case of emergency) and it is not dirty. Untidy is OK, dirty is not.
Otherwise live with shit all over the place. I just shut the door.
Anyway she was supposed to clean it. And make room for this humungous bed for her very tiny room.
I came home from work and ferrying everyone around to find this: (excuse the quality of the photos I think even the camera couldn’t believe what it was capturing)
and this, the clothes are fucking CLEAN!!! AARRGGHHH!!!
and this
and have spent the last 4 hours chucking shit in boxes.
‘OMG! My sunnies!’
‘OMG! I was looking for that!’
‘OMG! ‘Girlfriend’ and ‘Dolly’ magazines from 4 years ago!’
‘OMG! What the hell is that?’
‘OMG how do you live like this?’ – that last one was me after picking up the eleventy hundreth long white school sock that apparently she has ‘absolutely none Mum! I put them all in the wash and you mustn’t have washed them’. You can imagine that goes down real well. She runs. She knows better.
Lazy fucking biatch. If she doesn’t put all this crap away somewhere it is all going in the bin.
Stay tuned for the aftermath. Tomorrow will be the Smackdown. I am brainstorming our wrestling names right now.
The lazy biatch is sprawled out asleep on her mattress on the floor in the lounge and as soon as Boo is asleep I am going back in there. Armed with garbage bags, a spider killing shoe (MPS’s of course) and bug spray.
And a bottle of something. I’m thinking Vodka.
Feel free to tell Moo how disgusting her room is in the comments. I will be reading them to her after the arse whooping.
{ 56 comments }
That room… is actually more messy than mine. I didn’t think such a thing was possible! Though of course, mine is organized chaos darling, not mess.
*faint* $2000 bed..I want one too!
The new punishment of the 21st Century..”Clean your room now or I am so blogging pictures, which may or may not contain underwear!”
We’ll send in a search party if we don’t hear from you tomorrow.
DEAR GOD!
I would never allow my childrens rooms to get like that. How do you stand it? *snort*
There is a very good reason why we are both members of a particular group, our children have the same level of nastiness! One of ours turned out to have the cleaning gene… one out of three!
The 21yr old is the worst, he is a complete pig!
I just shut the doors too!
Oh, I was just like her. And I still am. (Blush) You threaten to put it all in the bin? My mother actually once threw every single thing out of my window onto the back patio. Up to and including the mattress.
Didn’t change a thing.
I call Ass Burger Boy’s room the toxic waste dump or the black hole, depending on my mood. No,you don’t want pictures, although it would make you feel better about Moo. He collects stuff, especially all things computery. Right now there are three computers, monitors, etc, plus a laptop in his average sized room. Damn you, freecycle!
Ok.. who is asleep on the mattress on the floor? and who is cleaning the room?
It is her bed.
It is her room.
She needs to make space in her room for her bed..
2 or 3 weeks ago Dave ‘snarled’ at me for washing the wrong Jumper..
Hahahahaha Wash your own clothes sunshine…
cheers kim
Wrestling names, eh?
Emerald Stiletto
Fabulous Farker
Damn, I’m too tired. Night… pffft.
Kath: Yeah, sure. that is what Moos says too…
Leigh: yeah tell me about it! I couldn’t believe the price, it better be made of gold or freaking baby seal fur for that price.
Sad world when the first thing I thought when taking the humiliation photos was ‘I am so blogging this’
Goaldeebug: Yeah I tried to give her one of those student control journals and she lost it in the bowels of the mess.
cerebralmum: My mother did that to my brother. I was messy but not dirty. And I had respect for my clothes and my *swoon* shoes…
Witchypoo: Notice I said it was the rule for the girls rooms. I do Boo’s. He has a lounge suite, TV, DVD, iMac and a laptop on top of a zillion toys and various unidentifiable chewed things. I know his room will only get worse, just like Ass Burger Boy
Frogpondsrock: Yeah, it is her room but she won’t chuck anything out. I AM GOING TO! And she will have no freaking idea Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa!
Naomi: *snort* that is a start! I was all boring and thinking ‘Empress Fabulous’ and ‘Floordrobe Queen’
My mom used to send me to my grandmother’s for the summer and I would come back and my room would be GONE. Well not gone but she would have cleaned and thrown away and given away and made it look like they were planning on selling my room. I fixed it within moments…..
IF she wants to live like that…..just shut the door. I was exactly the same way….still am. I still just shut the door.
Oh My God! That is disgusting? She doesn`t deserve a new bed unless her room is actually clean….
My mother was strict about keeping our rooms clean……..we had to do it by ourselves too. I am a little messier now (It is actually Shun that is messy…not me…he believes it is ok to leave his clothes whereever he takes them off) but I couldn`t live like that….
Vodka sounds good. I could do with some vodka….You would need Vodka to combat that! Good luck!
“Floordrobe” – do you mind if I pinch this?
My sister is as bad as your daughter, or quite possibly worse. Nat once used her hair straighteners, left them running, and shoved them under the bed. My mom smelled burning, so went to check, and found the black plastic matting underneath the bed starting to melt. My sister is 30, and this happened less than a year ago. Scary.
Wrestling name: Stinky Asshat.
If Moo has a boyfriend, make sure he sees that room. I’ll bet it gets cleaner.
ROTFL
Teen boy sees girlfriend’s bedroom, and notices the MESS??
*snicker*
Is publishing photos of her room on the internet her punishment?
I also have to find someone else’s shoe to kill spiders, because otherwise there would be squished up spider all over the bottom of my shoe and that’s just disgusting. I’m glad I’m not the only one who does that.
OMG! And I thought my kids’ rooms were bad… I’m going to STFU and once again you take the cake.
“Floordrobe”! LMAO
Holy crap, she’s outdone my four year old who dumps drawers for a living! Sorry Moo, but my mother would have grounded me for the rest of my life and probably a substantial part of the hereafter if my room had ever gotten that bad! Don’t you know that if you’re mother asks you to clean you’re supposed to push all that crap under the bed???
Feel free to tell Moo how disgusting her room is in the comments.
I would, but I am definitely guilty of a little ‘floordrobe’ action myself. Plus, half the fun is finding things you thought you’d lost. Like that half bottle of vodka!
…..wow…..looks more like my room than my kids’ rooms…..and “floordrobe”? I am so using that.
I say go to the hardware store and get those bed-lifts, raise her new bed even higher and just shovel all of that shit right outta sight! Hell, they even make really cool bed-skirts nowadays.
And what the hell is a smiggle bag?
Wrestling names….hhmmm….how about The Stiletto Marauder, because isn’t a stiletto also a knife? Just slice it UP!
I remember living like that as a child. And when the shit hits the fan, I revert back to those days. We have a “laundry couch” … so overused that one time after I put all of the clothes away, my eight year old flipped out because he didn’t have any socks. I told him that he did and he was like WHERE? THEY’RE NOT ON THE COUCH? He was really confused when I showed him his sock drawer.
Moo: Clutter OK, Clean shit lying everywhere, OK. Food and bodily fluid accumulation NOT OK!
Sure is better than what my Miss Moo’s room is…….. must be something in the name…..
Wrestling name? Kitten heel Queen!
Jesus, Moo…have some self respect!
(Good enough, Kelley? LOL)
When you need a backhoe or a match to clean the room, it’s beyond getting a $2000 bed…send it my way. Never mind that it’s literally a world away, I’ll take it.
I bet you wish I had that forklift for you to borrow, huh?
wow…. just… wow. I couldn’t STAND living like that. Even when I was a teenager, just NO!
Moo – clean up yer shithole!
I love “floordrobe”. That is one perfect neologism.
Send the post link to all of her friends. That’ll show her!
Moo? Do we need to change your name? To maybe, Poo? or Soo-ey (because of your pig sty room?)
Snirk.
Alright Kel. So when she marries Shortman, I won’t need to be ashamed of the way he keeps his room? AND! We will NEVER EVER have to visit…because there won’t be room for us and their shit.
I, too, must know: what’s a smiggle?
I just don’t buy my kids ANYTHING; that way there is nothing to mess the room up with. If they want those clothes they are wearing clean, they better clean them while they shower cause that’s all the clothes they need!
Ah yes, no new clothes or shoes for Moo unless she keeps the ones she currently has off the floor! How’s that?
Mayhap that two thousand dollar bed will instill a bit of pride in her room and its upkeep.
Probably not, but it was worth a shot, eh?
For a moment there, I thought you had sneaked around the world to take a picture of MY 17 year old daughter’s room. Interchangeable, I swear it.
And Floordrobe? CLASSIC! If you have any success getting her to clean it, let me know. As for me, I’m just waiting till she goes to college and then I’m packing what’s left and tossing it out.
I think it’s rather quite fetching, in a vermin encouraging kind of way
Dirty, dirty, dirty little biatch.
Why does the dirty little biatch need a bed that is worth 2k? It’s not like it has a label that she can show off to her friends. And the lazy little sweetheart is used to sleeping all over a pile of shit; she obviously doesn’t need the comfort of a bed that costs a crapload.
What does this bed do, btw? For that sort of money it had want to bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz her to sleep at night. *sniggers*
Tell Princess Putrid to clean her fucking room or suddenly her phone neglects to be recharged and her computer develops a sudden dose of brick through the screen.
Dirty little biatch. *shudders*
OMG. My mother would have a heart attack if she saw that mess…. actually not such a bad thing. Can I bring my mum over to see the mess
Wrestling names can be found here – http://www.wrestlingname.com/
Mine is Maverick Zodiac
That’s absolutely disgusting. I would have a hissy fit the size of the Northern Territory if the boys ever had a room like that. There’d be spiders, cockroaches and other vermin seething around under some of those piles of clothes, because they like to live under undisturbed surfaces where they can breed. (AND SHE’D BE SLEEPING RIGHT NEXT TO THEM!!!) Her room would have a stale smell about it because of all the dust trapped in all the piles of clothes. People coming into the room to hang out with her would have to shove piles of clothes, books, bags and paper aside just to sit down. No one likes doing that. We assume that the clothes are dirty and it’s so yuck to have to fight for a place to sit. People coming to visit her won’t say anything to her face (because that’d be impolite) but behind her back she’d be written off as an absolute slob and pig. No guy worth his salt wants to have a slob hanging off his arm. Has she thought of that?
Kids don’t think about how other people judge. Everyone wrinkles their nose at a dirty person. We don’t like the thought of them. There’s no need to be thought of in a nose-wrinkly way. Just put things away as soon as you get them. Then you can find them again without any drama. Life gets SO much easier.
(You asked for our thoughts, Kelley. Some people are being nice to her about it, but I thought she should hear the non sugar coated version. None of this was written to offend anyone, but it IS very truthful.)
Never mind how messy her room is, I want to see a $2000 dollar bed for a teenager, be sure to post pics of that. Mary
ROFLOL. I feel like I *should* be making sympathetic noises here but all I can do is ROFLMAO. As for the bed, well…. is she gonna buy one for your other children? Or is that a “don’t go there” topic????
Tell Miss Moo that I was “friends” with a girl in high school who’s bedroom looked *exactly* like that… She was intelligent,(and a scheming and manipulative bitch, but you can leave that bit out…) came from a decent family, her sister is a contributing member of society.
But her…
She’s now got 4 kids to four fathers, been married three times, never worked a day in her life (complete welfare slag) and last I heard, she was looking for husband number 4. She’s the ssame age as me, so probably *not* aiming for child #5. And she’s a grandmother now, anyway. Although there’s $5K in it, so she could well be tempted.
Personally, I blame it all on the mess!
Alison: Yeah, MOTY did the same thing. I would take my private stuff to friends houses when I went to camp, lest it ‘disappear’ in my absence.
Lulu: I was messy, but shit this is disgusting. Thankfully no spiders, missing children or colonies of midgets discovered yet.
Grateful Guy: Well there is another thing to be grateful for. Not having to share a room with your sister! And go for it stealing ‘floordrobe’ I stole it from a fabulous chick called Michelle who has a difficult time spelling her own name… *snigger* that’ll teach her for being a freak of nature with her amazing typing skillz.
Iceel: So boys notice mess? Hmmm, I don’t think so. But yes, whenever anyone comes over I show them her room and she is all ‘meh’.
Naomi: Snap. *snigger*
Stimey: Probably not. Makes me feel better though! And there is no way I am messing up my purdy shoes with bug guts, glad to see another sister take that stand too.
Meg: *takes bow* yeah I win ‘Most Disgusting Teen in Australia’ I believe this is my 4th year.
Robin: IT IS UNDER THE BED!!!!! Unbelievably the wardrobe and under the bed are full of shit too. She used to have a room the size of a small country and it was just as bad. Now her room is smaller than Harry Potters and the same amount of shit.
Missy: Thankfully no vodka was found in her room. Being underage and all that
Queen Goob: Love the wrestling names! Smiggle is a swoonable stationery shop here in Australia. The closest one is a few hours away and we get all giggly and silly when we can buy stuff from there
Ange: Yeah it is all clean shit. The floordrobe is CLEAN CLOTHES! Arrgghhh! I think I would prefer it if it was the dirty shit you know? Makes me wonder why I fucking bother sometimes.
Bettina: Could be a link. Do you reckon they will do a study on it?
Jen: Yeah, my bed didn’t cost that. It better be fucking gold plated or make coffee or something for that price.
Goaldeebug: that would be sweet wouldn’t it? I can just see the shoes I would wear to match..
Marilyn: sing it sista!
Magpie: Nup. they have seen it. They just shake their heads.
Ree: I just read that to Moo and she goes ‘I wasn’t in one of the photos was I? I look like 200 kilos in that huge tshirt and pj’s’ NOW she is embarrassed????
Doodaddy: see comment to Queen Goob.
VE: What a stellar idea.
Gina: We will see huh?
Candy: Does she have old magazines and toys and dolls from like 10 years ago too?
Xbox4NappyRash: Bwaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaa!
Anja: *snigger* she didn’t like that one at ALL!!! Oh and I am so using Princess Putrid.
Marita: Hrrmmpph! Mind is Frumpy Witch and Moo’s is Primal Medusa. I want a recount!
Frogdancer: I hear ya. The room is not ‘dirty’ yes, there is dust accumulating on the desk and chest of drawers but the stuff on the floor is clean, just dumped from her wardrobe or bed. BUT I totally agree with what you said though.
Mary Nacey: So do I, babe, so do I!
Lightening: Boo got one custom made for him by a specialist disability place – apparently indestructible, time will tell – and Too’s is on it’s way. 2k as well. Methinks MOTY was showing off to her sister (who was with her when they were bought) and doing the whole ‘oh well I am dying’ shit. Wish I was there…
Damn it, Moo!
I’m sooooo disappointed!
Your mother got me all psyched up to see some filthy black hole of Calcutta and……nothing.
You have yet to attain the status Feral Queen once managed when she lived at home.
Whole tribes of pygmy’s moved in and colonised the joint. Alien space probes that were missing from Area 51 were found under her bed and scientists discovered 3 new strains of bacterial lifeforms that had developed into a society in the bottom of her wardrobe.
We had Harold Holt, Ludwig Leichardt and Dr Who laying claim to a new postcode under her desk.
Moo grading – Must Try Harder!
My room looked like that when I was that age, but I could never sleep with stuff on my bed. My mother was a big time snoop. I always had to think of the most creative hiding places. I’m going to try my best not to snoop in Allie’s room as she gets older. You are going to need lots of Vodka if you are assisting in the cleanup.
This is so obviously not Moo’s motivation given your anti-snoop stance, but when I cleaned up my room once back in adolescence only to find my Mom sitting in there enjoying how peaceful and beautiful it looked (her words – and no, she wasn’t snooping, just in my space) – well, I never did clean it again. I cultivated clutter like a cloud of chaff behind me throwing off my pursuit. If she couldn’t see the floor, she couldn’t figure out which pile of papers contained my latest angst-fraught meanderings…
Oh, that is really bad. But so 16 year old girl typical. You should give the bed to Too if she doesn’t clean it up. See how she likes that!
Presumably MOTY arrives with the bed to accept applause and accolades? Wont Moo meet her match then when, during MOTY’s victory lap she happens upon Moo’s bedroom? Do you dare allow this to happen? Or would it be too cruel and unusual even for messy Moo?
ooh look: I didn’t get my window of time to fix it up and get it right. That’s quite stressful you know? “9 mins and 17 seconds left. Are you sure what you’ve written is good enough? well are you? are you? Don’t just want to change one word, maybe the one on the second line, third from the end?” Oh no, scrap that. there it is. and now the pressures on…
Jayne: Don’t encourage the biatch!
Amanda: Alas the vodka thing was a washout. No vodka. Nor wine. I went to bed in disgust.
Guera: Too’s bed is coming soon. Oh you should see her room! Well you actually cant cause she has it SOOOOO dark I am sure there are bats hanging from the roof. No proof though, seeing it is too dark.
Jodieodie: We had it emptied before the arrival of the ‘I am so wonderful’ MOTY, who promptly sat on her arse and watched us, all the while whining about how tired she was.
And that second comment? Are you drunk? I am so jealous if you are *snort*
You think that’s messy? You haven’t seen K’s room. Looks like the city dump. When I lived there it was just her room and the boy’s room too, since I moved to a unit the mess has spread to the whole house, to the point where I can no longer visit. If I want to see them I invite them here.
Ha ha. I just did the whole go in and chuck anything that is on the floor out with Lily and three days later her room looks just the same but with more crap, that she must have stashed from my first sweep. (She’s only 10 Moo, so you still have six years on her).
Mind you, I am not one to be cussing at her dirty room. mine was a sty when I was younger, actually…not much has changed, except the stuff on the floor is not my own anymore.
PS I love floordrobe. Might have to borrow that the next time I am pulling Lillith up on her filth.
River: Well that is just sad. My house is a mess at the moment and it is killing me. I can’t imagine living in filth.
Tiff: Bloody kids, they are almost as good as us with the stashing of crap hey?
Sigh. Sad to say we can top it: We have two of those.
Our youngest doesn’t know how to have a dirty room. Occasionally grossly untidy, yes, but seldom if ever filthy.
The older two, however, are another story: Empty grog bottles (yes, they’re of age), plates from god-knows-when, filthy clothes from god-knows-when.. The list goes on and on. To top it off, we’ve just given our eldest ANOTHER FUCKING ROOM (an office, so she can work on her master’s in peace) and our boy always has his lurvely gurl sleeping over, so her shit winds up stacked in there as well (although, to be fair, on the rare occasion that his room gets cleaned up, it is her doing it).
So, what am I trying to say?
A) it could be worse, there could be two of her and
B) Brace yourself. It only gets worse as they age.
hahahaha.. Just noticed that Goaldeebug already commented about our three. Oh well, mine’s a lot more long-winded
You know, if my husband wasn’t an anal retentive ass, my house would probably look like that.
It’s a phase and you can’t rush it. She’ll stay like that until she lives with a man who does the same thing. Then she’ll get so pissed by what a slob he is that it will drive her into early Slob Retirement. Suddenly cleanliness will become important to her because it’s not important to him. Wait… who are we talking about? Me, right? No? Anyway, you can scrape it clean this time, so you don’t have to put up with any crap from MOTY. But don’t hold out hope that she’ll keep it that way.
4fthawaiian: Well yes it was. And they say chicks can talk. And whine… *snort*
Maria: OOOH you have a purdy gravatar too! Loves me a stalker with a picture
My husband is a great big slob of a man. Kids get it from him.
Melain: Oh I have no illusions of it staying that way past today unfortunately… But I have photos! I can look at the photos and reminisce on what it used to be…
Wow! I thought my room was bad! I’ve always been messy no matter what my mum tried to do. Although when i got a new kitten and she shit under my bed that got me to keep my room clean. For about a month.
My cousin is a lot like your daughter, her boyfriend cleans her room he cant stand the mess.
LOL.
Holy shit! That is the most amazing mess I have ever seen. It surpasses anything I have ever produced, and until now I’d never seen anything that surpasses the crap I leave lying about.
Oh and QueenBitch, I was like your cousin and the boyfriend is now the husband and yep, he’s still the tidy one!
Cheers
BC
Found my way here from Bossy. That looks just like my daughters room
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