Or Easter, or whatever you may be celebrating today. A good bowel movement, that is always call for celebration.
Here, in the Magneto Bold house (AKA International House of Font) we celebrate the coming of our lord and savior, The Easter Bunny, aka the-Dude-who-brings-forth-the-chocolate, aka mammal-that-can-turn-cash-into-chocolate, by eating. A. Lot. Of. Chocolate.
The Bunneh is my favourite magical creature. Even more than the sparkly vibrator dolphin. Yeah, don’t ask.
You rock dude.
I am surrounded by chocolate, everywhere I turn I am in Kelley nirvana. Especially with the shoe shaped chocolate and the eggs as big as my freaking HEAD.
*swoon*
But there is one evil disgusting egg that will never ever pass these perfectly glossed lips. Oh internets, this particular confectionery monstrosity most certainly was developed by someone in need of a padded room. With no shoelaces or access to People magazine.
Just the thought of it induces the gag reflex. Worse than a skanky ho in a mini and ugg boots.
Look at it. Like Turkey and gravy flavoured soda (thanks for the heads up on that one Contrary)
it is wrong on so many levels.
I loves me some eggs. I loves me some chocolate. I loves me some egg shaped chocolate. But that is where it ends. Egg shaped chocolate that looks like a freaking hard boiled egg?
Makes me want to barf up my lovely handmade truffles. And my latte. And probably last nights dinner to boot. I can feel it floating at the back of my throat.
Unfortunately for me, and my stomach lining, Moo adores these disgusting morsels. And MPS bought her some. And the biatch is rubbing my nose in it. Well not literally, cause I would take that biatch DOWN big time, but she is all mmmm, and ahhhhh and delicious! while she sucks the not quite hard boiled centre outta the bastards and my stomach churns.
I turn away so not to witness the horrific-ness of it (it is so a word) and spy Boo chowing down on a lump of Styrofoam.
Do you KNOW how hard it is to flush a jobbie full of Styrofoam? Those fuckers float big time.
And tomorrow Moo reckons she is going shopping. For discounted eggs. Cadbury creme eggs.
But I have a plan. An evil plan.
She is in bed. She is feeling sick. Too much chocolate that looks like a half boiled chicken period methinks. But she will wake sometime in the middle of the night, with a chocolate hangover and think that she can just play freaking SIMS all night or go on Myspace or MSN or somesuch.
Methinks she won’t be. No, my lovelies, I am an evil biatch. I have printed out this:
And plastered the wall next to her bed with it. Good morning!
and put this on loop on her computer
She will be too shit scared to mess with me again. Fucking teenagers.
{ 35 comments }
Happy Easter to the MB2 household.
I tried Cadbury Creme Eggs for the first time the other day. Did not know what I was getting. Not really a fan. Cadbury have produced better.
So have Lindt. Mmmmm.
OH! THANK! GOD! Somebody agrees with me, they are VILE!
I used to have to endure the AH’s family slurping on them! Made me want to go and quietly puke in the corner!
Oh and HAPPY CHOCOLATE DAY to you and your crew!
That’s one thing I have definately not missed this year, pity divorce isn’t an option for you as well
I do luurve me some happy tree friends….
I bow to your mastery of the payback Mistress Bold.
Though you gotta admit that I messed with my luv festers pretty good over the weekend
Oh you evil woman! But i love it!
Have a good one!!
Missy: And Happy Easter to you too my lovely. I have never tried one and I never ever will!
Kirstie: I just went and told her I divorce her and she told me I was a loser. Noice.
Frogpondrock: Homestar is better though. Oh and Gloomy Bear. Gloomy Bear is tre awesome.
Bettina: Pity it is so fucking hot or I would go and put on my dominatrix boots… Mistress Bold. I like it!
Casdok: *snigger* Hope yours is fab too!
Happy Easter!
I must disagree with you on this…they are tiny little vats of deliciousness!! MMMMMMMM……
Happy Easter to you too!
Hilarious blog entry, Kelley!
(And I don’t mind the odd Creme Egg. Icky sweet, wicked, bad, but yummy.)
Teens are evil and they get what they deserve. Best of luck with your retribution.
Happy Easter
I suppose this would be a bad time to ask “how do you eat yours?”…?
Ummm, need a warning on that. I’m feeling ill just thinking about it. Course I have been throwing up all night anyway.
I think I should just stop reading blogs tonight….
This post = why I love you.
Happy Easter! I can’t stand cream eggs… make me feel sick just the thought of eating one
I love cream eggs and the pink beaver deserved everything it got for being pink and twee and vile! thank you for that smashing post!
Happy Easter!
Cheers
BC
I’m so with you on the Cadbury Eggs. Blech.
That video is hilarious. And deeply disturbing. I like it.
That cartoon made me giggle like a little girl.
OMG, I hate Creme eggs as well. Vile, disgusting things. We went out for dinner last night and guess what they gave us all as we were leaving – you guessed it – bloody creme eggs.
Love the revenge plan – hope it works. And the cartoon was great until the last part – it made me gag just listening to it. Thanks for that.
Hope you all had a great Easter
*jumps up and down in excitement*
I looooooooove chocolate. I can’t get enough of it. I was given shagloads of coffee chocolate for Easter. I was in a multiple orgasm state of bliss.
But someone (the relative that is fertilising the neighbour’s petunias as we speak) gave me a Cadbury egg filled with congealed chicken placenta in sugar.
I would rather swallow a gallon of a certain bodily fluid that looks and tastes like warm salty custard than have one of those chocolate coated mung things in my mouth.
I so love the killer bunneh. I want the killer bunneh. He makes me smile.
You’re an evil mommy. A very evil mommy. I’m taking notes. I will be full of baby bunneh one day. I want to be able to warp her widdle mind just like you do with your biatches. *swoon*
As a Happy Tree Friends fan from way back I applaud your way of managing to totally scare the crap out of The Spouse from eating Creme eggs ever again *insert evil laugh here*
I have a post on shoes to die for, wrote it with you in mind lol.
Saw this and thought of you LOL.
Happy Easter!
Those Cadbury egg things are not candy. They are the devil’s spawn in chocolate clothing.
Devil’s spawn in chocolate clothing? No wonder I love them so much. If only they came in green for Cthulhu.
Totally stealing that cartoon, btw.
Alison: Talk to the hand… holding the barf bag.
Therin of Andor: Told Moo your name and she said ‘Wow’, I go ‘Why’ she is all rolling eyes and ‘he so plays WoW Mum…’ aaaaaaahhhh.
BrentD: yeah, pregnancy. Hopefully much MUCH later for my girls!
Soloman: Yeah, that would be a mistake..
Kin: Hope you are feeling better today babe.
Jenny: back atcha babe.
Marylin: Good girl.
Babychaos: I am going to rethink my lurve for you now. Redeem yourself!
JenniferH: Ooh how I laughed, especially the eye balls. I loves me some bouncing eyeballs.
Fab: that you are. You big girly man.
Gemisht: I am thinking those eggs would have made a fabulous splat on the window of the restaurant. Being egged in an Eastery kinda way.
Anja: Put down the chocolate and coffee and walk away. You are frightening the children.
Jayne: Um, haven’t scared the spouse yet, I was bitching about my daughter, Moo. Checked out the shoes and drooled!
Robin: LOL! You know I have invaded your brain don’t you? Just checking.
Ree: LMAO. Yes my lickable lovely.
Raincoaster: I am totally sending you a box full of Peeps to get back at you.
That picture of the bunneh and the little red haired boy? It scares me. Also, I love cadbury creme eggs. Just so you know.
I think I was visited by that bunny when I was young too…
I think you need to write a book: “How to keep your teenager in line”
LOL Goose, I meant my other half, The Spouse
That bunny is scary.
Little Miss had a little bit of Kinder bunny ear. Liked it VERY much and threw a large tanty when I wouldn’t give her anymore. Approaching those toddler times too quickly for my liking.
xx
Where’d my comment go?
My oldest girl loved creme eggs right up until she had her first baby. After 9 months of morning, afternoon and evening sickness, she couldn’t face anything sweet and gooey anymore.
You are evil, evil, EVIL! heheheh
Cadbury creme eggs are truly the most disgusting “edible” candy ever. And I love chocolate, but could never choke one of those puppies down.
OH see…I love me anything Cadbury. Bring on the creme eggs sistah!!
Tiff: weirdo.
VE: Explains a LOT.
Magpie: Or ‘How to ensure that your child pays for their own therapy – stealth mothering’
Jayne: *snort* I was high on chocolate…
Angel: won’t be long and she will be asking for a g-string and a padded bra.
River: so for a change a woman gained brain cells whilst pregnant!
GoaldeeBug: Oh you know it.
Gina: Thank God. They are vile.
Ann: *vomit* oh sorry was that your shoe?
I think I’m evil, then I read your blog.
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