All that is evil in the world can be summed up in one word.
Martha-fucking-Stewart. Technically that is 3 words I know, but see how I put the little ‘-‘ thingies in there? Makes it one word. Yes it does. Shit, I am awesome. I astound myself sometimes.
Look at that self satisfied smirk and those beady little eyes. You know she is thinking ‘You know I am better than you, I may make weird fucking shit outta dryer lint but you know you want to too’
Yes, Martha, I do.
I want the perfect Easter. Like Christmas and birthdays. Go look in the archives people, I am certifiable when it comes to the holidays and kids birthdays.
So when I googled, yes you think I would have learnt after the Hello Kitty debacle the other day, ‘Perfect Easter’ this biatch popped onto the screen and sucked out my brain.
And replaced it with Kelley happy homemaker. Who wants to blow eggs. Like, dozens of them.
I won’t say what MPS said, but he was not impressed. And a little jealous.
I mean what person in their right mind would make Egg ornaments?
Moo decorated. I bought every freaking Easter egg in the known universe. And then had to scour other galaxies beyond the edge for more when they fucking melted in the heat.
Boo decreed that Easter is in fact on MONDAY, not Sunday and I cried thinking of how much money I would have saved if I waited to buy them on sale.
Too went Meh, whatever, just give me cash, I am going to my room to be all freaking Emo and shit and call me when the
food trough dinner is ready,
and MPS rocked in the corner at all the cash I was spending.
Then we decorated eggs. Cause that is what you do.
There was the i egg…
Strong Badegg and Homestar runnegg (if you don’t know Homestar runner your life is empty)
Various purdy coloured eggs
and the Pièce de résistance…
the coffee bean egg
that has been dubbed the ‘vagina egg’ cause um, well it looks like it has a clitoris and I won’t let them call it that. And Vagina Egg rolls off the tongue so much better…
You think Martha would be proud? Or reaching for the smelling salts?
Will be drawing the winner of the pay it forward comp tomorrow sometime. Stay tuned! As well as continuing to fling the bling. I had some computer problems today so MPS
on the threat of never having marital relations again if he didn’t fix the bastard kindly fixed everything for me, so I haven’t had a chance to visit all your blogs today. But I will be there ASAP.
If you are bored go and vote for me at the Bloggers Choice awards here, here and here or click on the humoUr blogs badge and find some cool blogs, not as awesomely fabulous as mine I concede, but you may be entertained while you wait. Or just hit refresh over and over and over like the stalker that I know and love. And if you vote for me I will put in a kind word with The Bun. I have his phone number you know, and I speak bunneh.