So we start a new year.
New teacher. New expectations. New person to train in all things Boo.
Our first hurdle. Homework.
Boo has another diagnosis of Hyperlexia. Basically he could read before he could speak. And he can read any word. AND spell it. He had the kids at Too’s birthday party in shock, when at 2, he spelt Nickelodeon backwards on the wall. And he has memorised Pi to the 30th power or somesuch.
And knows the periodic table. And of course every single freaking font. His IQ is off the scales.
But he can’t wipe his own arse. Or hold a conversation. Or dress himself. So the asshats in control deign that my boy cannot attend the local specialist school. So I have this fight with every new teacher until I break them in.
But I digress.
Boo has homework. We give a passing attempt at readers. They don’t have anything in his year level that will hold his interest, and of course he isn’t allowed to go higher. So we have a look at the book and then toss it back in his bag.
But this homework was different. It was the ol’ ‘decorate a box and fill it full of things about you’ deal.
Fuck.
Boo wanted to fill it full of cereal. Or soup.
We spent the day in fits and starts getting this freaking homework assignment done.
Found a shoebox. He refused to decorate it.
The assignment said ‘decorate the box’
He drew an X on it. Good enough.
Break time. Break consisted of him strapping on a studded bracelet and necklace, sitting in front of Photobooth on my MacBook and playing Slow Ride with the Guitar Hero guitar.
An hour later we had a discussion on what he likes. He insisted soup. I insisted no.
We settled on coloured pencils. Cause he loves to draw.
Back to jammin’ in front of the computer.
While I was peeling the potatoes he decided he was ready again.
A Mr Men toy from McDonalds or something, a Shrek the third voice changer and a tissue.
Discussed the merits of including a tissue seeing he doesn’t use them. So he ate it.
Back to recording some bad assed riffs.
Stripped off his clothes, wrapped in a blanket in 30C heat he is back at the table.
Last items decided on. A computer mouse, cause he is computer mad. And a Spongebob Squarepants toy.
Cause he loves him some Spongebob.
So now for the next part of the assignment. What it is. Where did you get it. Why did you pick it. And a special memory of whatever. Yeah, worded much better by the teacher but it was all yada yada yada to me by then.
I just wanted a bottle of wine to dull the pain. Glass optional.
So we got the paper. He picked a pencil. We sat down to get this the fuck over with work.
Firstly Sponge Bob.
‘What is it Boo?’
‘Spongebob. Where did you get it?’
‘You got it as a present when you went to hospital to have your teeth fixed’
Shit. WHY did I pick Spongebob? Why didn’t I let him put freaking soup in there? The hospital visit is when he was given a general anesthethic to have 4 lots of root canal, a filling and a tooth out. Ever since we have had to avoid stairs and lifts because he is terrified of them. Shit. Shit. Shit.
So after a meltdown of epic proportions he wrote this:
Translation:
Sponge Bob.
When I was at hospital to get my teeth fixed then I CRASH CRASH CRASH blocked my mouth.
I chose him because he’s awesome and win.
Awesome and win. Something my girls say all the time. Fan-fucking-tastic, will have to explain that one to the teacher…. Well at least he didn’t write ‘smells of Aids and fail’, which is the other phrase coined by my PC daughters.
There were 4 more items to do. This had taken an hour. So I decided one more would be enough.
He chose the computer mouse.
Translation:
Computer mouse – 0
Daddy gave it to me
I chose it because I’m a geek of computers.
His own words.
Yes you are baby. Yes you are.
And then he went back to making his movie of the ultimate Guitar Hero. Glad the guitar wouldn’t fit in the shoe box.
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
He must get so bloody bored at school. Good luck breaking in the new teacher.
Also? His handwriting is really good.
God I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I sat here reading this post and thinking, “I’ve read this before”. So I’m wondering now if I’ve been foreseeing your future, or whether somewhere else in the world other mothers of kids with autism are dealing with the exact same, um, FUN.
Is the wine out yet?
Could only read your post after a glass of wine… er two.
In empathy of course. 🙂
So how long does it usually take you to break the new teachers in? And do you do it gently or as hard and fast as possible? lmao
hugs babe. Even though you think I’m evil 😛
*blows kisses*
M’s a lot younger, but we’re having loads of fun with the workbook her speech therapist asked her to do. Ahem.
Breaking in the new teachers must be tough…
I had to laugh at the `geek of computers` line…Shumpei is a geek of computers too!
Good luck training the teacher….by the end of the year you might have her/him getting you coffee at the start of each day also!
ps: I got a coffee maker for my birthday from my friends….I never thought I would fall in love with a machine as much as my computer but I am most certainly in love…I did think of you when I opened it!
Hugs Hun, Sounds interesting if not fun.
We loves BOO!! and his wonderfully interesting brain, and the new teacher will learn to love him too (and hopefully learn to send more BOO appropriate homework home).
Ours have HAGS for homework (Mr Moo thinks that is terrific and appropriate considering he is now embarking on a career as a horror story novelist – this from the kid that had to be threatened, bribed etc etc to write a single page on anything last year). HAGS actually stands for Homework Activity Grid S? and they dont start til tomorrow, so will comment on them when I work out how they work lolol.
Hopes you have found lots of lovely shoes (and have pics) to keep you sane inbetween decorating shoeboxes and other mindexploding activities.
HUGS!
Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and a few extra !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just for you hun!)
Oh joy,I remember them times ((hugs)).
Let me guess-if the teacher is new to the school it’ll take till about term 2 for commonsense to sink in. If the teacher was already at the school she/he will be
beggingasking for guidance from other teachers, Boo’s integration aide and yourself before term 2.Bugger the bottle of wine, I’ll email you a spare vat I have in my online cellar 😉
Boo is awesome!! 🙂
I wish i had learnt the art of breaking teachers in, but i havent as they usualy leave first!!
Oh mama. luv ya babe.
I understand this pain. Bug was once asked to do the same assignment. Except, he was nonverbal and had an iq of oh, 25.
What the fuck? He liked spoons. So I filled a box full of spoons and let him scribble on the box.
The teachers were soooo impressed. Not. Talk about an inappropriate assignment. Made for a good laugh though, when I saw the teacher’s face when she opened the box.
I love your little computer geek. You ever want to get rid of him, ship him here. I’m looking for a kiddo to adopt.
This post got me (in a good way) because as a special ed. teacher I am the willing participant in the “breaking in” period with new students and parents each school year–their likes, dislikes, challenges, senses of humor, etc. The homework assignment made me laffffffffff!! Is this a teacher who is somewhat new to kids on the spectrum? I would pay $$ to see all of the submissions!
I think you should have recorded Boo doing his guitar riffs and included that–the kid embraces life in a big way! 🙂
What an exhausting assignment!! I agree with Liz, you should have included a recording of Boo on his guitar.
What is it about teachers that they won’t let kids progress pass their so called year level? What a great way to stifle those gifted kids and make them hate school.
Boo’s assignment actually sounds really interesting and I am sure it will help the teacher get to know her class, including Boo, better.
Best of luck breaking her in. 🙂
*smacks head with hand*
Gebus farkin’ wossname on a festering farkin’ stick. What the friggin’ hell do they expect? School has got to be a farkin’ nightmare for Boo.
You would think (hardy har) that they could think a little outside the square. Let Boo design his own homework. No, that would require some thought on the teacher’s part. *mutters*
Oh Babe, he’s so amazing. I’m gobsmacked by Boo’s brilliance. But hey, I’m not the poor sap that has their toothbrush used as a coit cleansing device. *hugs*
It’s a wild ride you’re going to have with your amazing little dude.
Boo rocks.
You rock.
Why do you have to break in a new teacher all the time? Can’t he have the same teacher? Or is that too difficult for the education system?
He must be bored shitless having to deal with those morons on a daily basis. Unfair. Much.
Crap on a cracker, I’m sorry. 2e sucks. Homework is almost as enjoyable over here as well. I’ll lift a glass to you tonight. 😉
I hate primary school assignments. Even with mainstream type kids, these things are still a pain in the proverbial.
It also really gets up my nose that they won’t let kids read above their ‘reading age’. I find that a note early on saying that he has my permission to read what he wants normally fixes the problem. (Because then we just ignore any whinges from the teacher.)
I HATE homework with a passion. I hate it MORE now that I’m a parent than I did when I was a child. *shudder* Do teachers realise how much STRESS homework causes for a parent? Magnified times a thousand for you babe.
Sending sympathy, hugs, chocolate and coffee. You ROCK!!! 🙂
Ack. Homework for kids these days is a lot more like homework for parents. I love your son’s explanations of why certain items were chosen — and I laughed when he identified himself as a geek. Starting early! He’s precious. 🙂
Boo rocks!
I have to say, the limitations on reading are crazy. Why on earth would you prevent a child from reading at their own level?
I was lucky when I came to Australia and my Grade 2 teacher, Mrs Nightingale (Yes, I still remember her name!) gave me a special key to the book cupboard so I could read whatever I wanted.
I hope your new teacher turns out to be a Mrs Nightingale. 🙂
Boo is a classic.
Decoration “X” made me laugh. Well, it’s decorated isn’t it? bwah haw haw
H/W sucks.
10y.o. is an absolute nightmare – thank goodness 7y.o. is yet to encounter the joys of h/w.
Good luck with the breaking in – it actually seems I might not have to do this this year – cross your fingers/toes/eyes both teachers seem to be coping.
xx
And …. Er!n is back! xxxxxx
Veronica: Your comment went to moderation. Why????? As for the handwriting that is really bad. Normally he picks a font and writes in it. I will find something and post it. Perhaps Magneto Bold???
Naomi: Yeah probably. The wine? We were out!!!
Cellobella: Biatch. Better run to get some before I pick up Boo….. he has the next TWO DAYS off school!
Bettina: So much easier with the male teachers, just wear a low cut top and they would do anything *snort*. This teacher knows Boo a little, which makes it a little harder cause she knows him as ‘clever’ Sigh.
Robin: Oh how I remember that! Boo and I used to do ABA but we don’t anymore. He can’t understand why he has to do school work at home. It is for school!!
Lulu: Smootches. Photos, I need photos to drool over said machine.
Erin!: OMG ERIN!!!!!!!!! ERIN OF THE MAD LONG COMMENTS!!!!!! I HAVE MISSED YOU BABE!!!!!!!!!!!
Jayne: Waiting for that vat. The teacher is lovely. Just got to get over the ‘but he is so smart’ shit. Yes, he is smart, but manipulative to get his own way. And his own way involves being nekkid and flapping his arms.
Casdok: Smootches. I have been lucky, they have been mostly housetrained anyway. And used to the psycho parents so I come in, talk to them like they are a freaking HUMAN BEING and have them eating out of my hand. Bwaaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.
Ree: Big lick for you.
Redneck Mommy: So no news then? My intestines are getting a little sore from keeping them crossed for you babe. As much as I bitch and moan about my Boo, I wouldn’t give him up for the world. He is my everything. You are quite welcome to pop over and babysit so I can get some sleep though 😉 And the spoons would have gone well with Boo’s soup.
Liz: Boo is at a mainstream school. So she has had a child with Aspergers before, but nothing like my Boo. He is unique!
Jenty: Nah. He was nekkid!
Riayn: I had the same problem with the girls. Sigh. They feel that Boo doesn’t comprehend the text because he can’t retell it in his own words. Fuck me dead that frustrates me! He can’t say he is fucking HUNGRY in his own words! They are Spongebobs.
Anja: Um. No words. Just shit you crack me up!!!!!!!!!
Tracey: Apparently he is not allowed to become dependent. His teacher last year ROCKED! I loved him. I would have had his babies. He just ‘got’ Boo from the minute he saw him.
Jen: *gaffaw*
Frogdancer: Boo wouldn’t read anything if he had the choice. Not interested. More interested in making Power Point presentations! Maybe I should give him a computer text book?
Lightening: OH I hear ya!!! And then there is the girls homework….. *shudder* I don’t even understand it!
Beth: Yes he is.
Cerebral Mum: OMG Mrs Nightingale? What an awesome name! My dad had a nurse Darling when he was in hospital once.
Angel: Yay for Erin! And crossing everything that you have a smooth year this year babe 🙂
I’m loving this Boo. Any child who write ‘I chose it because I’m a geek of computers’ is cool in my book!
What a shame Boo can’t do his homework on the computer. I agree that having him read below his level is not good. Can’t there be some kind of compromise there? When my grandson was 8 his reading level was 15 and he was allowed to bring books from home to read whenever the class was having a free reading session.
I agree with litening hate home work always have always will, have fun breaking in the new teacher
Hate the education department.. Hate loathe spit..
hate bureaucrats too and politicians and and and brussel sprouts
*sigh* cheers kim
Sounds terribly frustrating but also immensely entertaining.
Also, “smells like Aids and fail” is my new favorite phrase.
Photos of Shun or photos of the coffee maker??? hehehe
Did you say breaking new teachers or breaking in new teachers?
This boy’s IQ is off the scale so let’s give him a really trivial, mundane assignment to do.
My sympathy!
Cheers
BC
I’m a little bit in love with Boo after this. He seems like an incredible kid.
I’m with Stimey.
I just fell in love with Boo.
He sounds so much like my Celtic Lad. (reading before he could speak)
Homework, meh, overrated.
Yeah, train the teacher ~ **Sigh** Use a whip if necessary. Tell her I said you could. **Smiles sweetly**
Wow…I think you both are pretty damn awesome.
Kelley, did I ever tell you I think you are the most patient, amazing person i know?
I would need so much more than wine to get through that.
That kid is wild. “I’m a geek of computers”. You rock, both of you.
Oh, my. I am feeling my parenting challenges shrivel up and blow away by comparison.
I am sending you many wishes that some day, some year, Boo will get the right kind of teacher, the one he richly deserves to appreciate his atypical genius.
Dd.
Boo rocks seriously, big time. Give that little legend a big geeky smooch from me. And I love the things that he chose and the reasons. Bloody excellent 🙂
And Erin’s back – she dug the puter out from under the renos then LOL
Whilst we don’t have autism to deal with we do have the “reading thing” to deal with. DD came home with her first lexile book and she is close to the ceiling level for her grade. Arrrrrgghhh, she will be bored for 3 terms once she gets to the ceiling.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, who makes these dumb ass rules up anyway. Not a Mum, thats for bloody sure.
And good luck breaking in the new teacher.
Mama Geek: *snort* well I would expect that from you wouldn’t I???
River: The problem is that they don’t know his comprehension levels. He can read anything. He is just not interested in it. Computers are his thang.
B: Hopefully it won’t be too painful 😉
Frogponds rock: Me too! And oysters…. gritty snot.
Jenny: It is a lovely turn of phrase isn’t it? I find myself using it at times and people insist I need some sort of medication.
Lulu: *gaffaw* the coffee maker of course!
VE: Well considering Boo broke his foot in the first hour of her care…… both? Nah, she is lovely just needs a bit of ed-u-cay-shun.
Babychaos: It is more the school work belongs at school thing. He just doesn’t get it.
Stimey: He is, and then he isn’t. Today is an ‘isn’t’…..
Widdle Shamrock: Lets home it never gets to that. But I will wear my thigh high black boots while I am doing the whipping…
Mr Fabulous: Thanks Fab, smootches.
Tiff: Excuse me? How about looking in a mirror my dear?
Magpie: Yeah, he is pretty freaking awesome. When he is quiet or sleeping, or sleeping quietly 😉
Doodaddy: Smootches. Thanks Dd.
Gemisht: Frustrating isn’t it? I got hauled into school when Moo was in Grade 1 because she was reading The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. The school felt it was too advanced for her. WTF? She was READING and ENJOYING IT!!!
I must say that Boo sounds absolutely incredible! Seriously…and he must be so FUCKING BORED at school!!
I seem to remember the hospital in a similar way. And Spongebob is ridiculously awesome…my kid thinks so too. I can’t stand the fucking sponge! His voice GRATES on me! And Patrick scares the hell out of me….
Wow, that is one interesting kid. Good luck with that. 🙂
Keep things crossed xx
Fighting the battle right now and thinking of you.
Though I must admit that at least 10y.o.’s teacher understands a little this year.
He doesn’t get why he has to “do” school at home either.
You’ve got another shiny blog bling waiting for you over on my blog Kelley 😛
we hate homework. hate. it. he learns absolutely nothing in the process. it’s all about compliance, which is not a reason to do homework in my opinion.
I just thank God that my kids are in a school that doesn’t try to conform or confine their ability to their age group!!
Alison: Oh I despise SB with the heat of a thousand suns. But Boo adores him. And it is better than Bart Simpson!
Diesel: That comment cracked me up. I don’t know why.
Angel: Will be thinking of you big time babe.
Jayne: Squeeee!!! I love me some bling!
Ange: Also they need down time. How can they expect me to be able to do homework with a kid that has been cooped up in a class room all day!
Bettina: Lucky girl!
Dear God/dess
If there is a flexible, sane, creative, open-minded and hearted teacher out there who really respects and celebrates left-field patchy brilliance, and can work around the rules to let Boo’s strengths shine and use THAT to make the grade – LET HIM BE SENT TO KELLEY AND BOO NOW.
And some chocolate, soup of Boo’s favourite description, green clinkers and some really potent wine would be great too.
(I don’t really pray either…but it can’t hurt!)
Hi,
You say “the asshats in control deign that my boy cannot attend the local specialist school”. I find myself thankful for some rather dubious blessings, one of which is that my boy scored low enough to be allowed to attend a special school. Then I worry about some ridiculous things, like “what if he scores too high for special school when re-tested for high school”.
No homework for him so far, just readers. Unlike my younger child. Some of that primary school homework sure is tedious.
Good luck.