were the first words out of Boo’s mouth as we got to school this morning.
Yes, I sent him to school. More on that in a minute.
I looked at Boo. Picked my jaw up from the ground, wiped off the asphalt, leaves and rocks, and popped my eyes back in my head.
‘Pardon?’ I stammered.
‘My accident for today will be…. my back. Oh my aching back’ Boo exclaimed.
Again picking up of jaw and wiping of debris.
‘Um, Boo, what do you mean?’ slack jawed, incredulous Mummy asked while helping him limp into the school grounds.
‘I am going to have an accident and hurt my back today!’ he cheerily replied in between ‘ouch’, ‘ooch’, ‘awwwww’ ‘s.
I have always wondered, after him predicting a day off school months in advance, circling it on the calendar and then actually having the day off school because I was planning my grandfathers funeral, if Boo is psychic.
As we are slowly hobbling into the school grounds all the aides come rushing over to see how their boy is.
Boo starts to clutch his back.
‘Oh, my aching back!’ he exclaims
The aides are startled. I explain Boo’s ‘prediction’. They all melt into gooey piles of adoration. Exclaiming ‘He is so cute’ and ‘God I love that kid’ and ‘He is a riot!’
And I am all ‘No, if he hurts his freaking back today YOU are taking him home. Call me if there is something wrong with his foot, but if he hurts his back I am on the first fucking plane to Tahiti.
And don’t tell the bastard where I have gone!’
And then I went and bought this:
Which 3 hours later looked like this:
So why on earth would I sent a child with a broken bone in his foot to school? WITHOUT any pain relief?
Because I am a selfish biatch?
Because I love to see my child suffer?
Because I wanted to stuff my face full of chocolate in peace and quiet on my first day kid free in 2 months?
You could see it that way.
My take on it is this.
The kid cannot stay still. At home he is rushing from this to that, from that to this, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.
At school he knows the rules. You sit in your chair. The End.
The pain killers knocked him out. I mean Knocked. Him. OUT. I am buying a fucking case of that shit. The kid slept ALL NIGHT. I will say that again…
THE KID SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!!!
But he was also groggy and completely pain free. So just before he went to bed he was bouncing on his freaking mini tramp in the playroom.
With his eyes closed.
Don’t want him groggy and pain free at school. He needs the pain to remember to not walk around.
Turns out it was a good call. Bucketed down rain all day and the kids were stuck inside.
He is now home wreaking havoc.
I am 10 seconds away from tackling him and pouring the whole bottle of pain killers down his throat. If only to stop him from EATING the pressure bandage on his foot.