That bastard is back.

I considered moving.

I considered changing my name and hair colour.

I even considered wearing ugg boots for fucks sake. And we all know how I feel about ugg boots

But before I could do anything to disguise myself the bastard returned.

Murphy, that fucker who loves to destroy peace and tranquility (OK, maybe I am going a little far there, but I was coping) and shit on my shoes, is back.

Asshat.

This morning I woke in a meh mood. Like freaking M.E.H. kinda mood.

Dragged myself in the shower, made up, dressed for work, considered breakfast but then felt, well Meh.

Then it started.

Mum was late to watch the kids. Again. Not much I can say when I need her.

Asked Mum to watch Boo on Friday for me while I went to the girls school to pay school fees and pick up books. Considering she insists I ask her instead of getting respite, I think it was a little unfair for her to unleash the hounds of hell when I nicely requested. And it took me a WEEK to pluck up the courage to ask.

Oh and I am sure she meant to write my name on my birth certificate as ‘Fuuuuuuuck Kelley’ as she sure calls me that a fucking lot.

Got to work and all the good parking spots were taken.

Got a run in my stockings. Shit.

Opened the mail I grabbed from the letterbox on my way out the door.

A TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR BILL from Centrelink. Because of the audit. Because some stupid fuckwit cannot read a pay slip properly and thought that whenever I took leave it meant my wage was zero. Because over a three YEAR period I got overpaid slightly every fortnight. Because I should have checked with them a hundred times a month that they got it right instead of caring for my disabled child, my husband who had a complete and utter breakdown (hence the payments), two teens, volunteer shit and oh, fucking WORKING.

Oh and they want the bill settled next week thankyouverymuch. Three years of overpayment trickle to be paid in seven days.

I rang the number on the bill. A wonderful nice caring woman answered. I needed a bitch. I needed someone to rake through the coals for the injustice. Not an understanding voice on the other end.

So I cried. And cried. And cried some more.

And ruined my makeup. And scared the shit out of my workmates. Cause they think I am strong. And I wear black liquid eyeliner and it doesn’t seem to be overly waterproof.

She told me stuff I can’t remember and said she will call me back tomorrow. I stupidly gave her my work number, so will have to make sure I cement the makeup on tomorrow cause I’ve got meetings. Nothing says ‘working mother’ more than running mascara or toothpaste on your shirt.

So I went for a walk. To clear my head as much to get people to leave me alone. Cause they were truly freaked at my display of not-coping-ness.

Then my bitch my boss bought me a coffee. And showed me his new man-bag. Which he knew would cheer me up a little at the sheer possibilities of how many ways I can torment him about that. And the pimple on his nose. *smirk*

And I was cheered. And I stuffed the bill in the depths of todays fabulous pink handbag along with my  sadness and stress.

And then the phone rang. It was Murphy. Doing a very good impression of my mother. Telling me Boo had a loose tooth and was screaming uncontrollably. Because she told him the Tooth Fairy would come. And Boo is terrified of the tooth fairy.

And we all know what Boo does when he has a loose tooth….. if not, look here and here, cause I don’t want to retell it cause I am about to live it again. I told Mum to keep all pointed things away from him, knives, scissors, pens, pencils, spoons…. anything that will give him leverage under that tooth.

Oh and if he does manage to rip the slightly wobbly tooth from his head DO NOT let him paint the walls with his blood. Again.

Cause that shit don’t come out.

For the remainder of the day people pissed me off, clients were more stupid than usual, my coffee went cold whilst dealing with a particularly stupid just-crawled-out-of-the-primordial-slime-but-managed-to-become-a-well-paid-solicitor fuckwit, there was no chocolate in the office lolly jar and other general shitty-ness.  And dealing with freaked out share holders hearing the news of a share market crash just made me want to bitch slap someone.

But the moulding cherry on the general shit-cake of a day?

I took a lunch break to buy myself a pretty to cheer myself up. And I never take a lunch break. I wandered over to the shopping centre (mall for my US of A lovelies) to check out their shoe store.

And there was nothing there I liked.

But they had a shit load of Ugg boots.  Yeah, brill.

Tagged as: Autism, bad day, loose tooth, share market crash, stupid people, things that piss me off, ugg boots