I wandered over to my old blog, and besides the fact that so many people are STILL wandering around there, I found some truly mind boggling searches.
Beside the usual Magneto Bold, Autism and <3 awards, there were some searches that had me shocked and puzzled.
So I give you the first of many entries of:
People lured into my madness thanks to Google.
Mario P0rn. I am almost too afraid to ask. Is there actual p0rn by the Super Mario Brothers? Hang on…… well yes siree there is! Oh. My. Fucking. God! You can get Super Mario P0rn COSTUMES!!! My blog is at the end of page 2 in the google search. Sick fuckers need to go that far?
And I am the top 6 searches in WordPress tags for Mario p0rn star. Noice.
Party letter to neighbour. Wonder how the neighbour felt after receiving this letter that I wrote to my neighbours…..
Every day there is at least one freakshow looking for b0ld pu$$y. How disappointed they would be finding out I just meant that I was a spineless little girl. Guess the same freaks are looking for a cubby pu$$y.
What the fuck is a cubby pu$$y. Hang on…..
Oh. Right. A cubby is a v-jay-jay. Shit, I am NUMBER ONE on that search.
Mattress tag explode Monty Python: Methinks that is a combo of Diesel’s blog Mattress Police in my blogroll and my tasteless brain replaying Monty Python sketches during the terrible events in Burma last September. This search was top of page two.
And finally for tonight….
The expression ‘fruit loop’: *gaffaw* wonder how they felt when they read THAT massive brain explosion. But I think I can add Tom Cruise to the fruit loop family after watching this today…
Boo thought it was hilarious. It was even creepier when Boo played it double speed and it looked like his eyes were rolling in the back of his head and he was chanelling a Chipmonk.
Fuck wit.
But BOOYAH!! Number one search result. Betcha Jenny is proud.
And there are more. So many more.
OK. I am making my own little memey thingy. I tag every single one of you. The usual shit about letting me know that you are doing it so I can read and gaffaw at your searches.
Lets call it ‘Google bringing out the freakshows’
Go forth and meme.
Oh, but before you go…. thanks to Sueblimely and Meg I have some new purdy Bloggers Choice buttons. Go and vote for me here, here and here would ya? Kinda creepy that only Meg voted for me and then I went and voted for myself!
As promised in the side bar, I will love you long time.
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There are a shit load of links in this post but they are not showing up! Don’t know why. Run your cursor over the post to find them. Like ‘Where’s the fucking link?’ instead of Wally….
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Something really TERRIBLE has happened!!!!! I got lost!!!
*sob* *sob* I changed ya in my blogroll and I *thought* I’d changed ya in my bloglines reader. Maybe I did but deleted the WRONG ONE!!!! O.M.G – how could this HAPPEN????? Will I ever recover from the shock and HORROR!!!!!
Okay, I’ll stop being a drama queen and add ya again and see if I can get all your pretty little posts in my reader….otherwise I may just have to slit my wrists (not really….but you get the picture right????) No wonder I’m having such a horrible day!!!!! No Kelley fix to make me smile!!!!!
O.M.G!!! I’ve been lost for so long that you forgot completely about me and didn’t add me to your new blogroll. Now I’m not kidding about the wrists this time….. *sob* *sob* I’m not up for this kind of rejection TODAY (or any day for that matter).
I didn’t think anyone could make Tom Cruise look any worse than he has himself – until now!!!
You rock Boo
Lightening. Put down the knife. I just added you
the worst google search I had was genuinely creepy.. *shudders* not much fazes me Kelley, but I
was seriously spooked by this one..
the septic had typed in.. “my best f… ever my grand daughter…”
he had stayed for two page views 1.14 minutes on my blog..
I have the assholes isp addy and he hasn’t been back.*phew*
I still feel sick.. sick fucker
I did the clicky voting thang.
Just read your letter to your neighbours – woot you’ve got dipshytes almost as good as us!
I voted… I found you again in my reader -wondered how come you had been so quiet- then the lights came on … love that cat !
How do I find the searchy stuff ? I did it once but dammed if I can remember what I did .
Kim: some of the ones I had were truly truly disturbing. No idea how my blog would have come up in the searches but just the thought brings bile to my mouth. THAT bad.
Jayne: Thanks. Yeah my neighbours are really really freaky. That said the guy across the road seems to have disappeared!
Trish: No idea in Blogger, but in wordpress it is on the same page as your site stats. Anyone want to shed some light for Trish?
The eldest Feral Fruit of My Loins said you should write a book, she’d buy it
Super Mario P0rn costumes!! What ever next!
LMAO – welcome to the world of weird searches
The mind wobbles…. (to quote another Kelly)
holy fucking shit!! I’m watching that tom fruit loop cruise shit and all I can hear is my ex ranting about religion when he was locked up in the psych ward………..perhaps he was channelling Tom? lmao
I bet if we were to look into your closet we would find more than one Mario porn costume…
thanks Kelley … I will investigate.
Kim – that was seriously shocking !
I’ll never forget when I was pregnant with moosie, and a coworker suggest I get a massage and facial. We didn’t know of a place nearby my house, so I googled “facial.” At work. On my work computer. And I clicked the first link because I didn’t think to be concerned. And Oh. My. God. And it was one of those p0rn sites that had regenerating pop up window after pop up window each time I tried to close it. My friend was dying laughing and I am miss rule follower and I was SO scared I was going going to get fired. Probably would’ve been a fucking blessing, but at the time….
My google searches are boring, but I will check them out.
Coincidentally, some freak came to my site last night after searching on “jack me off mom.”
Isn’t that niiiiiiiiiiiicccccccce?
Tom Cruise is SCARY.
Such popular keywords but we never see them mentioned by the pro bloggers. I wonder why! My most popular word has been Block Delete – how boring is that.
You are more than welcome for the nomination – although I didn’t find it easy to work out what categories to put you in
If you prefer to be in any others I will add you to those too.
My partner nominated me but silly bugga logged in with my password so it looks as if I nominated myself and I am embarrassed. I did ask him to nominate me so serves me right really.
LMAO! Your searches are a lot more interesting than mine. LOL!
Tom Cruise scares me – freaky little man.
I’m probably one of the ones at your old blog – need to remember to change my bookmark in the other browser.:o\
I have a google post lined up for sometime soon. Watch for it mmmmmkay?
I voted too.
I double dog dare anyone to have a google post with the word “goats” in it. Some dirty bastard will put an “e” on “goats” Now that’s some disturbing shit. Or you could have one that mentions how you like a spa/jaccuzi (sp?) and describe yourself as a “tubgirl”… seriously twisted shit, kids.
Okay, now that I’m over my little sulk – it’s pretty sad resorting to emotional blackmail just to get added to a blogroll isn’t it???? Me bad!!! LOL.
Reading all these comments is starting to make me feel slightly relieved that my google search terms relate to “crockpot chocolate cake” and “4 year old birthday parties”. Although it does make me feel a tad mummsie….;-)
Oh, Lightening, no worries, my searches are every bit as boring. I’m not feeling the creepy google love right now. I guess I should be relieved, but it’s like finding out the hot guy will go after anything with a pulse, but skips you because you’re too respectable. Wait…sounds like my dating life waaaayyyy long ago. Some things never change.
I have no idea how to do this. None but hello? Mario p0rn? WTF?
I looked at some of the search criteria people googled to reach MY blog and was quite frightened.
I love reading about searches! You just wonder what the heck these people were thinking, don’t you?
HA! Those crack me up. I shudder to think what combination of words brings someone to my site. feh.
You didn’t warn me i had to sign up for spam… Ahh well, your worth it.
I voted !
For you
No shit
Your welcome
sigh
back to bed…