Christmas is approaching. We are getting into the spirit and planning the decos so this means the garden needs to be spruced up first.
Firstly I will say, I hate gardening with a passion. I would rather have root canal, cause at least then you get drugs and don’t have people looking at you like you are a freak and saying ‘But I love root canal!’
If you love gardening, turn away….
Are they gone?
Are you sure?
If you like gardening you are freaking weird.
OK!!! You can come back now!
Anyway, I am out there with the only thing that makes it all worth while. Power tools. A big hulking hedge trimmer that makes me want to get a hockey mask and chase my children around the house.
So I get the best done first – no delayed gratification for this chicky babe – and then I look up.
I have an audience.
You guessed it. The freaky neighbours have set up fucking CAMP across the road. Sitting on a rug under the tree, sipping Pina-freakin-colada’s for all I know.
With a rake laying on the ground.
Oh, yeah, I believe you.
You FREAKS!
I ignore them.
A car pulls up in their driveway. Someone gets out. AND SITS DOWN!
WTF?
What is so freaking entertaining about a chick weeding her garden? It is not as if I am wearing a bikini or short shorts or something (trust me, that will never happen. OMG, Greenpeace would be on my doorstep wondering how I got so far inland) I am wearing a very loose tshirt, 3/4 yoga pants and gardening clogs. Fashionista I am not. Bag lady perhaps.
I go inside for a while to get out of the hot sun and the glare of the freakazoids. They hang around for a while, the guy gets in his car and leaves and I contemplate whether it is safe to go back outside.
Yeah, I would rather clean up Boo’s fecal murals than go back out and garden, but I haul my arse out there.
Guess what? Oh yes, my lovely internets, they come back out.
I finish what I am doing, flip them the bird and go back inside.
So much for neighbourly love, they are off my Christmas card list now. Unless Boo still wants to make a pipe bomb…….
Now excuse me I need a shower, I stink.
{ 13 comments }
Your neighbours sound a little strange. Actually they sound very, very strange. Who in their right mind would want to watch someone garden?
BTW, I actually like gardening. This is probably because I have a very small garden and most of what I grow I eat. Therefore, it is very satisfying growing dinner.
They were sitting watching you? WTF???
Oh, that is not the half of it with these particular neighbours! Go to the categories and check out ‘Letters’ there is a letter to my neighbours that will enlighten you!
I love my garden. *sigh* luckily I don’t have neighbours yay. I am going to read the letter to your neighbours right now. cheers kim.
I hate gardening! I am a good killer of anything green or flowering.
We have mud brick house people who sound a little like your friendly neighbours.
It’s a little weird though, having a picnic and you being their viewing pleasure. I’m thinking pipe bomb might be severely inadequate…
have you actually sent that letter to your neighbours yet? lolol
They are scary creepy kinda weird though.
Ha! Funny. Started with a great post title, and just kept getting better.
I was trying to come up with a reason why they might be watching you garden, but I can’t. So I am forced to the conclusion that they are a bunch of weirdos.
I am so with you on the gardening! It is OUTSIDE, people! Who wants to go there?!
Awww, I wish I could share my neighbours with you. And my garden actually. FIL and Hubby have done a great job and it looks lovely. Still too damn hot to be out there much though.
I like gardening too – so we’re not totally the same! It is a good excuse to be on my own & think because most of the time it is truly mindless. And I call it exercise, hahaha. I mowed my lawn yesterday, did some weeding & planted a lemon tree & now it looks beautiful. Maybe I will stay at home from work today & just watch it growing. And yell at the grass if it grows or starts going brown again.
Now your neighbours – you too can freak them out. Next time they set up their little picnic to watch your show, cross the road & plonk down on their blanket. Ask them for a drink & then ask what they are watching coz you want to join in too. Ooh or even better, take the whole family across to join them & help yourself to whatever they are eating & drinking. They will think you really are the neighbourhood freaks then. Or they may disappear inside & never reappear again.
I like Kelli’s idea
I don’t like gardening. I like to hire a gardener but I can’t afford one so my yard looks like sh**. I do love to weed eat. It’s like having a pair of scissors and cutting someones hair off. Very fun. Also, it is very loud so I can’t hear any kids calling my name. Nice.
Your neighbors are very weird. I think you should have your son ring their doorbell, fart and then run away. LOL
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