And now add mud to the mix. Mmmmm tasty.
I actually slept all night. I awoke this morning to the dulcet tones of my Boo singing. That could only mean one thing. He is up, alone…….
And shit and toothpaste.
I lumbered out of bed to survey the damage. Boo is no where to be seen.
The singing I heard was coming from his laptop, a cunning plan. Something he recorded earlier to mess with his mummy’s brain.
I stumble into the family room. ‘Taz wanted’ is playing at full volume on the PS2 and there are muddy footprints (or at least I HOPE it is mud) all over the floor.
Boo is outside on the swing. With the gate open. He is actually wearing pants, backwards, but clothed all the same.
I shut the gate and hope to God that the neighbours haven’t had an early morning call from my boy and no one has seen me in my oversized maternity nightie covered with smiling bears. Yeah, sexy huh?! But it is comfortable after 8 years of wear.
Back inside to assess the damage.
The pantry door is open. Food is strewn all over the floor and the teletubbies take pride of place where the sauces (now lined up in colour cordinated rows on the bench) used to live. The freezer door is open and there is a bucket full of water placed in the middle of the kitchen floor. A lone piece of chalk floating on the surface.
Every toy he has ever owned is carefully placed around the family room and the toy boxes are empty.
Salt and pepper has been ground into the grooves of my dining table.
The lounge looks relatively unharmed, but the Polish news is on and Buzz Lightyear is watching it.
The bathroom! Shit and Toothpaste Batman! I dash to the bathroom, my heart racing.
The sinks are full of water. There is a fecal mural on the wall. Every towel has been removed from the cupboard and strewn all over the floor.
But no toothpaste. That’s right, I hid it before I went to bed. Phew. Pity I can’t sew his arse shut.
He has found my razor. You know those cutesy girly ones with the moisturising soap strip that you sing along with Jewel while lovingly tending to your hairy bits? Yeah, well now it is naked. Hope the moisturising strip was tasty Boo, now I am gunna have to wear pants till I can get another one.
My hairbrush is snapped in half and there is toilet paper draped over the mirrors.
Will the horror never end?
Sadly no.
I chuck some clothes on and go and check Boo outside. He is using various plates as Frisbees.
‘Play with me Mummy!’ he squeals, delighted to see me out of bed.
He is covered in mud. His innocent smile radiates under the smudges of mud all over his face (Please God let it be mud!) his pj top is splattered with what looks like tomato sauce. *sniff* yeah it’s sauce, not blood….
‘Play with me Mummy’ he repeats, handing me a plate, his huge brown eyes smiling up at me with affection.
‘Boo, Mummy needs a coffee first’ and some sort of medication.
‘OK, then we play frizbee’
I drag myself inside, head down so I don’t see the destruction waged by my tiny terrorist, make coffee and sit down to whinge at my computer.
Boo is outside again, digging in the mud. Remember last week when I was so excited about him actually touching the mud. Slap me will ya?
But at least I got a full night sleep.
{ 5 comments }
I’m glad you got that full nights sleep hon. And I had no idea buzz lightyear was polish!
hugs
I’m glad you got some sleep, wish you hadn’t had so much to deal with when you woke up. Well done on hiding the toothpaste… hey I meant to ask what kind of coffee machine did you end up getting? (I drink instant, but, you know, one day…)
WTG Little Dude, am with you K in hoping also that it was mud he was covered with.
Mine have spent since lunchtime outside, they are still out there in the dark but with the outside spotties on, bouncing on the trampoline. They have spent the afternoon making cardboard cubby houses, climbing (yes my moo has learnt to climb, age 9 and 3/4 and its only a metre or two, BUT ITS CLIMBING!!!) the mulberry tree to snack on the now ripening mulberries, catching snails (i pay 1c per child per snail that is caught and squished, I owe them $0.86 cents each today apparently) and cracking macadamia nuts to also snack on (and the dogs get to eat the ones that arent edible by humans, which the dogs love and sit there patiently waiting on each nut to be cracked open).
LOL at your teletubbies in place of the sauce bottles, were they there to frighten you or welcome you to the pantry (seeing a vision of the door being opened and teletubbies singing kill kill kill) and the sauce bottles lined up in colour, lol my Boo does that with the cups in the pantry, I have rainbow coloured pantry arrangements when Boo puts the dishes away (my pantry holds all the crockery and the food goes in the high cupboards lol, just cause it works better for me).
Not so great that you had to clean it all up again – HUGS, but hey, he is outside and playing in the dirt, that is a huge step forward for your Boo, WOW!!
Bettina:
Apparently he is! He seemed enthralled and then said:
“ja wroc wewnatrz pokoj” (Google is my friend LMAO) translation “I come in peace”
And freaked the hell outta me!
Emma: We just got a cheapie. Hoping to convince Santa to buy me a good one, so will have to be a veeeery bad girl I expect.
Erin!: Fantastic news re your Moo! My kids made cubby houses inside the other day. Was cute watching the girls being bossed around by Boo but still ‘playing’ at their ages.
Please please tell me it was mud! At least you can see the funny side of the morning of destruction – and I think spilled cereal all over the lounge room is bad. At least you slept!
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