Someone on one of my yahoogroups (the extremely lovely E) posted the following the other day and it actually made me catch my breath. It is a quote she shared from the Good Weekend magazine by Stephanie Dowrick.
“Many people go through life full of anxiety about what they assume
others are thinking, scarcely noticing that most people are not
thinking about them at all and that the fiercest critic is always
lodged in their own mind.”
I had an aha moment such as this last week. I HATE confrontation. I find it extremely hard to stand up for myself and fret over whether people think badly of me. Therefore I tend to get walked all over when people realise this. Last week I found myself in the situation where I had to stand my ground in order to get the discount I was ‘entitled’ to. Buying frypans in Target that the sales girl brushed me off with ‘they are not 20% off’ when they were and buying my bargain curtains that weren’t entered into the computer at the discounted price (was charged $139 instead of $60 for 3 sets). Both times I almost caved and paid the full price but I stood my ground and got the correct price. I spent the whole time apologising profusely, second guessing myself and fretting that I would offend the sales girls. But in the car on the way home from Spotlight (the second purchase) I realised that yes, the sales girl could possibly be annoyed at me for, say 10mins, but then she would completely forget about me and never give it another thought. Yet here I am still obsessing. A week later……
In dark moments I find myself fretting over a particular incident in high school, yes HIGH SCHOOL for goodness sake! I have not seen that person in 20 years and have forgotten their name but the incident still smarts. Or the arrogant pig that complained throughout our wedding about being hungry, or the nurse that treated me like dirt and *forgot* to give me painkillers when I had Moo cause I was ‘young’. These people are no longer in my life and wouldn’t even know me if I ran into them in the street, and here I am, heart racing at 3am fretting over it.
I think I need to print out this quote and stick it on my fridge. My bedroom wall, in the bathroom, tuck one in my wallet. Perhaps wallpaper a room until I get it.
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Good on you. People have far more to do than worry about little incidents concerning you- you are NOT that important to them & their thoughts or imagined opinions need not be of interest to you! Revelation! I have occasional moments like yours, but very rarely & I think most people NEVER give much of a toss. We’re a bit sensitive, we over-think & YOU worry about it. I get “attacks” of self-obsession when I’m more depressed, but nowadays my victories are far more often than my defeats. I can be very assertive about discounts- I just say “No!, I’m sure you’re mistaken. Please check.” Always works. I even fought off a gallery owner who had mistakenly deposited $800 in my bank account when they asked for it all back. Previously I had celebrated selling some glass work after having zero income from it for many years. But THEN I thought (after nearly crumbling & bursting into tears), YOUR MISTAKE LADY! I’m keeping half because I’ve already spent it quite innocently. Buggered if I was going to make Spotrick pay for their mistake in not being able to distinguish a glass artist from a printmaker who had the same name! And I’m happy- I reckon they are lucky I am a fair person & giving half back. I said NO & I’m happy- no guilty thoughts at all. Yayy!!! You go for it!
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