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Night Off.

by Kelley

in Autism,Stuff about Boo,teletubbies are from the devil,things that piss me off

Once a year we get a night off.

A night where we can turn the TV up as loud as we want or sit in complete silence.

A night where not every. fucking. light. in the entire house has to be blazing along with every electrical appliance with a screen lest someone lose their complete shit at a blank screen.

A night where we can go out to dinner or the movies or whatthefuckever we want to do and come back whenthefuckever we please.

A night where I can drink as much wine as I want and not have that niggling voice in the back of my mind wondering if Boo will decide that I must be up with him as he flings himself at walls and asks endless questions about the motherfucking Teletubbies movie that he has been making for 8 years and hasn’t got past the opening credits.

Stellar cast BTW:  Tom Cruise as Tinky Winky is pure genius.

A night where I don’t wake at 3am to the sounds of Boo running down the hallway, up and ready for the day.

So tonight is that night.  Tonight Boo is at overnight camp and all that is someone else’s problem and we can pretend we are real people for a night.

Dinner and a show?

Awesome.

Popcorn for dinner?

Why the fuck not?

Sleep till noon?

Hellz to the fucking yeah.

All of those things would be fucking awesome, if it wasn’t for this tiny little issue of me taking a metric fucktonne of antibiotics that make me feel like shit but are the only thing between me and a IV drip in the local hospital, because I went and got myself a nice little case of motherfucking cellulitis of the motherfucking FACE and my eye is THANKFULLY no longer almost swollen shut and I am able to cover the redness with makeup, but I am pretty sure if we tried to go anywhere we would either be not admitted for health regulation issues – because no one could possibly keep a meal down looking at my face – or MPS would be arrested for assault or bringing endangered wildlife into a public area.

So needless to say I am:

rather pissed at the timing,

looking for a new fucking beautician cause the doc reckons it could have been caused by my recent eyebrow waxing,

rocking the indoor sunglasses look,

and missing my boy already and it is only fucking 11.30am.

Night off?  U R doin it wrong.

 

 

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{ 29 comments }

Quitting blogging

Oh woe is me: It is just too hard keeping up with the squillions of comments… Dealing with the fact that no one comments… Nobody VALIDATES ME… I am a better writer than HER and she gets all the glory… OMG I need attention TOO YOU KNOW! Blogging is taking away too much valuable time [...]

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Happy Mothers Day

  Regardless of your parental status, have a fucking awesome day today biatches. I shall be spending the day being worshipped in the manner I have requested.  You know as soon as Boo gets off the computer, Moo wakes up from her deathbed and MPS gets out of the toilet. And I shall be posting [...]

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Something exciting and secret for previous occupants of my womb and the dude the drools on my pillow

Well hello there family, I have lured you here with my devious title promising something for YOU to talk about ME. Mothers Day specifically. If we cast our minds back we will remember that due to ‘issues’ and ‘circumstances’ Mothers Day last year was postponed. And we all went on our merry way and celebrated [...]

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and the winner is…

  not you, idiot. EDENLAND! Fucking bitch I love ya more than my dignity. x Note to self:  put your face on and brush you motherfucking hair before posting pictures of yourself on the internet. P.S. I totally have a picture of your arse woman, and I am not afraid to sell it to New [...]

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Apparently this is the correct quote. I prefer jump.  I am a maverick. I don’t know where I got the quote from. Pinterest?  Someones blog?  Random google search for the meaning of life? Regardless, I saw it, wrote it down and chucked that shit up on my fridge to remind me. Or placate me. Or [...]

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Hairy.

{fucking hilarious tumblr} So I have been blissfully wearing my long maxi skirts and jeans and leggings not as pants but something to cover up the blinding whiteness of my legs in contrast to mah new boots… which are awesome thankssomuchforasking … and I haven’t really been taking much notice of the fact that it [...]

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It’s all good. Fine. Just fine.

It’s fine. It’s hormonal. It’s nothing. It’s May. It is a myriad of things tied up in a big black bow of whatever. It’s the begging and the pleading. It’s the ‘no, it’s all good I will fix it’s And the ‘I’m OK’s and the plastered smile that doesn’t make it to my eyes. It’s [...]

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So we just started watching and lemme get this right… Edward Cullen and his cronies are hiding the the forest next to a big ice wall that is fun to piss off.   A kid is crippled because Prince Charming from Shrek fucks his sister.   A dude sells HIS sister to a long haired [...]

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and I haven’t killed him. Yet.

So MPS has been home for just over a week with a toothache. Eleven days to be exact. 264 hours to be exacter. Too fucking long in my face with all the moaning and breathing and talk of motherfucking pus coming out of his motherfucking abscess and OOOOOH HONEY COME HERE AND GIVE ME A KISS. [...]

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